Things to Do When Bored

So you're bored, huh? It happens to us all at one time or another. While having too much to do is a more common problem, even the busiest people have some occasional downtime or a slight lull in their routines. If you're bored and are looking for something to do, the good news is you may not have to look very far. There may be some great things to do right in your own neighborhood!

There's Nothing To Do In My Town!

Think your town should be named Dullsville? Think again. Even the smallest towns have something to offer. Read on for some local things that you can do next time you have a free day:

1. Have a picnic at the park. When was the last time you went to the park and used the swings? Pack some fruit, sandwiches and a drink and eat lunch on a blanket. Afterwards, fly a kite.
2. Go to the library and read magazines for free. Most public libraries have a good variety of newspapers and magazines on display. Bask in the library's quiet surroundings and enjoy reading some magazines that you normally don't subscribe to.
3. Try a new local restaurant. Convinced there's nothing but pizza parlors in your town? Check your phonebook or the Internet to see what new restaurants have opened up in your area. Have lunch at a restaurant that you've never been to and treat yourself to an appetizer and a dessert!
4. Go to a school play or concert. Even if you don't have kids that go to the local elementary or high school, it doesn't mean you can't attend the school performances. Keep your eye out for advertisements for school plays and choral concerts. It's especially fun to go to shows at your former school. Just walking into the building will bring back lots of memories!
5. Check out your local YMCA or other type of gym, even if you're not a member. Stop by the membership desk and ask if they offer a free one-day trial. Go swimming and utilize the exercise facilities. You may just find that you want to join once you're done.
6. Visit a new grocery store. If you usually go to the same store to buy your groceries each week, try shopping at different store. You will find unique foods and brands that your store doesn't offer.
7. Go to the movies-- by yourself! Go to your local theater, treat yourself to a bucket of popcorn, and take in one of those flicks that you've been meaning to see. Afterwards, log on to on an online movie site or message board and write a review.
8. Try your hand at golf. Go to the local driving range and practice with a few buckets of golf balls. Or, call a friend and go to a nearby 9-hole golf course to really try playing the game. If regular golf isn't your thing, or if you have kids with you, try a round of miniature golf instead.
9. Stop by a local petting zoo or farm. Visit with the cows, pigs and goats. If you have young children with you, teach them the sounds that the animals make.

Sagittarius Love Matches

If you're a Sagittarius looking for love, you may want to check the stars before going any further. Pairing the basic laws of astrology with your individual personality can make your search for the perfect mate much easier.

What follows is an overview of the most compatible love signs for you. Use these key points to determine which sign strikes your fancy, then start dating!

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Leo

(ruled by Sun)

Because Leo is also a fire sign, you'll share desirable traits such as creativity, spontaneity and friendliness. Leos are by nature extroverts, so you should have no trouble initially approaching a potential mate.

Once you're a couple, the lines of communication should be easy to navigate. Both Leos and Sagittarians like you prefer to get everything out in the open, so trust should not be difficult to maintain.

Sexually, with a Leo you will enjoy experimentation and creativity. Imagination will play a big part in your intimate moments and the ability to be impulsive, yet gentle can provide the necessary balance for harmony.

Career-wise, your Leo mate will want to have the stronger position and earn higher pay (whether they be male or female), but that's usually not a problem since your Sagittarian nature is that of a cheerleader. If you provide lots of verbal support and praise, your lion-esque partner will be content to proudly share the glory.

Like you, Leos welcome change. If you decide on a Thursday that you may like to move to a different continent, chances are by Friday the Leo will offer to help you pack. You will be an adventurous pair, stimulated by new experiences and delighted by chance discoveries.

All in all, Leos are a safe match for a fulfilling, healthy relationship complete with surprises and fun.

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Aquarius

(ruled by Uranus)

The calm nature of a typical Aquarian will serve as a beautiful balance for your ever-so-chatty Sagittarian nature. What Aquarians don't say, they make up for in kind gestures and thoughtful actions, which delight the optimistic you.

That's not to say that the Aquarius isn't social-they customarily have more friends than anyone and pride themselves on maintaining long-lasting relationships. Like you, they make perfect hosts and appreciate the finer things in life such as great food, good company and interesting experiences.

Physically, you'll have a carefree time with your Aquarius partner. Their generous nature will provide you with the affection you need while their tranquil spirit will serve as a comfort.

Emotionally, Aquarians are led by their brain, not their heart. This may cause a few debates in your relationship, but ultimately the mutual respect you have for one another will lessen the battles. In addition, Aquarians are driven by logic, while you as a Sagittarius are lead by your heart. Your tendency to exaggerate may irritate the Aquarian, but it shouldn't be a major boundary in the overall success of your relationship.

Put simply, with a little patience and a lot of understanding, your Aquarius/Sagittarius union would be a good match.

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Libra

(ruled by Venus)

To say that Libras are fair is an understatement. The very hallmark of their sun sign is the gift of justice--they want it for themselves and the world. This philosophy should fare well with you, as an integrity-obsessed Sagittarian. You'll truly appreciate the honesty that the Libra constantly exhibits.

There's also the matter of communication. While you as a Sagittarian may say too much, the Libra will deliberate too long. Taking a Libra to an ice cream shop can be agonizing to someone in a hurry because spend so long deciding on a flavor. In reality, they're weighing all of the options carefully so they make the most informed decision possible--that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Your tendency to be spontaneous isn't discouraged by the Libra, it's just analyzed. Put simply, the Libra will ground you without spoiling your fun--they'll just explain why or why not you shouldn't do something. In addition, Libras love to travel (a necessity for you Sagittarians) so they'll happily accompany you on your many journeys.

Intimately, the Libra will be impressed with your creativity and you will adore the mountains of affection the Libra provides. Your encounters will be gentle and sweet, rooted in profound feelings for one another.

Professionally, Libras will offer loads of support to you and you will naturally return the favor. You'll enjoy spending time together and possibly collaborate on humanitarian causes or artistic projects.

Ultimately, a relationship with a Libra is a very safe bet. You both share a love for laughter, peace and community which is bound to make your connection last forever.

Scorpio Love Matches

Scorpios are most compatible with Pisces and Cancer. Scorpio's strength and ability to make snap decisions are a good balance to Pisces' indecisiveness. Pisces tend to be very imaginative, and Scorpios can use this to feed their own creativity. Scorpios have big egos, and Pisces can feed that with lavish devotion and adoration. Pisces also tend to be intuitive, so they understand Scorpios' deep thinking. This can bring about a special closeness than few other signs can match.

Scorpios also go well with Cancers, in part because Cancers are more passive and will allow Scorpio to take the lead in the relationship. This satisfies Scorpios need to be in control. Cancers also tend to be clingy and needy. Scorpios will enjoy giving strength and protection, but may become annoyed at times with having to constantly feed someone else's ego. Both signs are jealous and possessive. This may cause some problems, but their intense attraction is often enough to override any disputes that arise. Like Pisces, Cancer is very adoring and devoted, making for a close emotional relationship and an intense physical one.

While Scorpios go best with Pisces and Cancer, they can also make good matches with Sagittarius, Capricorn, Virgo, and Libra. Scorpio loves Sagittarius' inhibition, especially in the bedroom. This willingness to experiment can make for a very hot relationship. Sagittarius also loves to have fun, which appeals to Scorpio's playful side. However, Sagittarius is more flighty than is Scorpio, and both tend to get restless after awhile. And while Scorpio tends to be a homebody, Sagittarius loves to go out and find adventure. This can cause difficulty in a long-term relationship.

Scorpio and Capricorn can make a lasting, if lukewarm relationship. Capricorn's tendency to be insecure appeals to Scorpio's strength and protectiveness. And while Capricorn can be withdrawn and prone to brooding, Scorpio loves to draw Capricorn out into intense discussions that can help them both grow emotionally. Since both are ambitious people devoted to success and security, they can make a good, stable long-term match.

Virgos can work well in a long- term relationship with Scorpio because both have strong feelings about commitment, loyalty, financial security, and family values. However, Virgo tends to be more emotionally restrained and doesn't always understand Scorpio's intense emotional outbursts.

Libras love interesting people and Scorpio fits the bill perfectly. They will tend to have an immediate and intense initial attraction. These two will fit together perfectly for a while because Libra craves affection and Scorpio craves an emotional and physical connection. However, Libra's constant flirtatiousness provokes Scorpio's jealousy, making this a potentially volatile relationship. In the end, Libra's casual approach to love won't mesh with Scorpio's desire for security and commitment. This match will be great at first, but is probably not strong enough to go the distance.

For long-term relationships, Pisces, Cancer, Capricorn, and Virgo are best for Scorpio. For short-term fun, Sagittarius and Libra fit the bill. Scorpio will probably want to avoid the following signs: Aries is too controlling; Gemini is too independent; Aquarius is too unpredictable; Taurus is too stubborn; Leo is too extravagant with money; and other Scorpios are too emotional.

Learning to love again

You never thought you’d have to date again, but here you are living life after divorce or the death of your partner. While you don’t want to be alone forever, you’re having a hard time believing you’ll be able to get past your loss so you can love again. And who can blame you? Yet despite the complex emotions that surround starting over, you can learn to love again. It just takes time and a little effort on your part.
Our team of experts identified common problems newly single people face and offered solutions to help you get back on the road to romance.

Problem: Living in the past. “Don’t sabotage your present and future by fixating on the past,” says Paul Davis, author of the upcoming book, Breakthrough for a Broken Heart. “Stop looking for closure concerning unresolved matters and instead simply let them be. Make a decision for your present and live victoriously.”

Solution: Replace anxiety with creativity. “Get back in the sandbox of life and start playing around with new ideas and concepts,” Davis says. “Challenge yourself.” Break out of your rut by doing new things, learning new sports, participating in new activities, taking up new hobbies and making new friends through bereavement and post-divorce support groups or your existing social network. “Let newness flood your life and awaken your love for self and surprises,” advises Davis. “As you do, you will attract new life and love to you.”

Problem: Rushing into dating. Some newly-single people don’t like being alone, so they rush into relationships before they’re ready. Or before they’re clear on what they want and need. “Although some people can date their way through this, the vast majority of us need to take time for ourselves,” says relationship expert Hu Fleming.

Solution: Look within yourself. “Focus on ‘me’ for a bit before considering ‘we’ again. When we’re comfortable with ourselves and who and what we are, we’re then again ready for the big bad dating world,” Fleming says. “In practical terms, spend time alone, spend time with friends. Do not date until you’re comfortable with yourself.” Don’t force yourself to date just because friends and family nag you to get back out there.

Problem: Pressuring yourself and your dates. “Culturally, a successful relationship is one that ends with marriage or a commitment of some sort,” says Kiki Weingarten, co-founder of Daily Life Consulting. But that can create a lot of pressure to succeed, which can cause you to fail. Dating is a numbers game, and not every date can lead to a long-term relationship.

Solution: Cut yourself — and your dates — some slack. “Enjoy the other person and enjoy who you are with the other person,” Weingarten notes. “If you don’t end up with that person, what new things did your time together bring to your life? What facet of yourself was discovered? What new future did you anticipate that you never had before?” You can use unsuccessful dates to help refine your viewpoint of what you definitely want to find in future dates, too.

Problem: Looking for what you had. “Often, as humans, we want what is familiar,” says Douglas Weiss, executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and host of the TBN show Winning@Marriage. “To love again means you will be loved differently—and you will actually love differently. To compare two loves is like comparing two cities or countries. Although there may be some similarities, there will always be something amazingly different.”

Solution: Write a closing chapter about the past relationship, suggests Weiss. Write down what happened, how you felt, and what you learned. “Then write a hopeful chapter of what a new love could bring to your life. Again, talk to friends so that they can tell you if you’re doing comparison-shopping” versus taking a fresh and open look at the possibilities for future love.

Moving on is hard. But following these steps will help you honor the good memories and lessons from your previous relationship—and move past what was difficult. Then you can start putting your past in perspective and begin thinking about the next exciting chapter in your romantic life.

Does she want to date you?

Guys can be kinda dumb.

I’m not talking kinda dumb in a low-IQ kind of way—remember Ken “Mr. Jeopardy” Jennings? Last time we checked, he was a guy—and clearly not unintelligent. But in terms of figuring out how to comprehend a woman’s feelings about us when we’re trying to make the leap from “friends” to “friends who kiss,” forget about it. This is especially true for guys who’ve been burned in the past (and who hasn’t been?) who are wary about rejection. Maybe we’re not totally illiterate, but we often have a difficult time reading signals. So here, a few signs she’s

The “let’s laugh” signal
Distinctly not-dumb guy David Wygant, author of Always Talk To Strangers, is an excellent signal-reader. “If she makes you feel like a stand-up comedian, even though you’re not that funny, she wants to take it to the next level,” says Wygant. Similarly, Rosemarie of White Plains, New York, shares, “If I’m interested in a guy, I kind of tease him—I try to get a funny, bantering chat going. It shows that I’m interested in playing a bit of a cat-and-mouse game, you know? I’ll say something like, ‘I think you’re just making that up,’ or ‘Honestly now, has that line worked?’ but I say it with a big smile and eye contact so he knows I’m just joking.”

The tell-tale time sign
If you are friends with a woman and sometimes wonder if there might be more there, take heed of when she wants to hang out with you. If she wants to meet you for a quick workday lunch, chances are she doesn’t fancy you in the way you might hope. But if she asks you to meet her for a drink in the evening or to see a movie with her on a Saturday at 8 p.m., she may be casting you in more of a boyfriend role. Says Shelly of San Diego: “I work with a lot of guys and admit to getting crushes on coworkers from time to time. I’ll chat them up about new movies I want to see, and if one I’m interested in asks me out, I do what I can to make it at night on a weekend. That makes it so easy to grab a drink or food afterward and get to know each other on a more personal level.”

The body language clues
OK, so the odds of a woman reaching out to hold your hand while you’re flirting with her are slim to none. So how does she use her body to show you she’s interested? Jess from New York believes a woman’s gestures will send you the message. “Her body language will give her away—if a woman leans in toward a guy while he’s talking, mimics his body language, and maybe sneaks in a subtle touch here or there, these are pretty good signs that she’s into him. Obviously, he should get her phone number and actually call.”

And how does a guy know if a woman isn’t interested? “If she is looking around the room while he’s talking to her and crossing her arms across her chest,” says Jess, “she’s probably not that interested. Also, if she tells the guy that he would be perfect for her sister or she suddenly brings up the fact that she’s been talking to her ex-boyfriend, there’s probably not a spark there.” The guy should just move on to a woman who is worth his time or possibly take the uninterested woman up on her sister offer.

The look of “I like you”
A guy should also know what kind of eye contact is waving him in. Direct eye contact that lasts more than a couple of seconds is a sign of interest, say the experts. And if a woman looks from your eyes to your mouth, well, things are in very, very good shape. “I don’t know if it’s conscious or not, but when I like a guy, I find my gaze wanders from his eyes to his mouth,” says Moira of St. Louis. “It’s definitely a seduction move; it lets him know that I’m thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.” Gentleman, if you’re getting that signal, this is another time you want to go ahead and get that phone number.

Taking the next step
Once we men realize she “likes us, likes us,” our minds are oftentimes so blown that we have no idea how to proceed. Fortunately, Wygant does: “Once she gives you the hints, you need to close the deal. Ask her to talk to you away from her friends or call her up on the phone and say, ‘You know what? I want to take you out for a nice dinner—just the two of us.’”

What if the object of your affection is a woman you’ve known as a pal for a while? Over dinner, you have the talk, advises Wygant. “You say, ‘I’d really like to become more than friends. I’d like to start dating you. What do you think of that?’ At this point, she’s given you every single sign that this is the conversation she’s been dreaming about, and of course the answer is going to be yes.”

So it all really boils down to a two-pronged plan: Pay attention and take a chance. If you focus your energy on the woman in question rather than on yourself or your surroundings (which is what you should be doing anyway), you’ll pick up more than you ever thought you could have. And if you disregard the very obvious signs — the laughing, the touching, the eye contact — and you don’t go for it, well then, then you are kinda dumb.

Guys’ night out: What men really talk about

Let’s admit it: When men get together at a bar to throw back a couple beers, it isn’t always pretty. When women aren’t around to keep us in check, the conversation can, well, devolve a few thousand years. Raunchy jokes, gripes about girls we’re seeing, and furtive exclamations of “Dude, check her out!” abound. But what I’m here to say is, one hour of eavesdropping on these clandestine conversations will give you more insight into the male mind than a semester’s worth of cramming at the “relationships” section of Barnes & Noble. And so, at the risk of being branded a traitor to my brothers, I’m going to break the code of silence.
I invited three of my single buddies to a bar in New York, bought a few rounds, and got them talking about women they’ve dated, women they’d like to date (many of whom were right in front of us), and women that, to be honest, make us want to run in the opposite direction. Listen and learn, ladies.

The guys:
Brendan, 24, freelance illustrator
Beecher, 25, art manager
Joe, 25, art director

Q: So, guys, in an ideal world what do you hope will happen tonight?
Beecher: Nothing specific. Eighty percent of the time I’m just here to drink and hang out. Ten percent of the time I’m actively looking to snag a woman. And then the other ten percent of the time I’m here just to flirt. You know—keep my game strong.

Joe: Yeah, because you’ve got so much game.

Beecher: Shut up.

Brendan: My goal is to kick everyone’s butt in that video game, Deer Hunter. Otherwise, I want to get drunk. As for women, if I meet one who’s worth the effort, great. If not, no big deal.

Q: Which women in the room catch your eye, and why?
Joe: The short brunette to my left. She had the good taste to check me out when I came in; I watched her look me up and down. Pretty face, OK body. I like a girl who isn’t super-attractive—it’s less intimidating that way.

Brendan: I like the same girl who caught Joe’s eye because she has a crook in her nose. I like large noses, maybe because I have one, too. I suppose it may stem from some deep desire to make love to myself.

Beecher: The same girl and her friend caught my eye. I’m guessing neither of them is taken, since they’re sizing up all the guys in the room, including, sadly, Joe. But on further review, those chicks are bony. Neither of them is as cute as the brunette with the pink scarf over there. She has curves. I love curves.

Q: Does the way a woman dresses matter to you?
Beecher: It has to do with how she carries herself. She could dress preppy as long as she looks comfortable. On the flip side, she could dress like a hipster and seem more concerned with how she looks. And that’s a turnoff.

Joe: Exactly. It’s not the clothes—it’s the attitude. She just has to have her own style. Besides, if she’s wearing a $100,000 outfit, I’d have no idea.

Brendan: I don’t want a girl who’s wearing a lot of Gucci. That just says high-maintenance.

Q: Can a girl dress too sexy?
Beecher: I don’t like a girl showing too much. I want something left to the imagination. I like cleavage, but too much is distracting. I won’t be able to look at her face.

Joe: Not a chance. Though I suppose she could be naked and that would be a little bit too much.

Q: What convinces you to approach a woman?
Beecher: I’m all about the quality of eye contact. The more there is, the more I’m willing to introduce myself.

Brendan: I know a woman is worth talking to if she has a great laugh. Not deep, not snorting, not high or annoying. Melodic, maybe? I don’t know. I know it when I hear it.

Joe: When I’m attracted to a girl, I’m attracted to the way she’s having fun. I want the one who’s having a ball.

Q: So your first move is…
Joe: If she’s been dancing, I’ll go up to her between songs and say, “Hey, I think you’re a really good dancer.” Then I’ll pick out a move she did and mimic it. “I really like that slide you were doing before.” If she can’t pick up on my jokes, laugh, and have fun with me, then forget it.

Beecher: I almost never make the first move. I’m reliant on the conversation being directed at me. I’ve thought about hanging out nearby and waiting for a good time to jump in, but that just seems creepy. I’ve got no guts.

Brendan: Not me. I’ll just go up and introduce myself. I still think the best pickup line is, “Hi, I’m Brendan.”

Q: How do you show a woman you’re into her?
Joe: For me, it’s heavy eye contact and touching her as soon as possible.

Brendan: See, if I’m talking to a girl I like, and I have to go to the bathroom or something, I’ll make sure she knows I’m coming back. But if I excuse myself and don’t show that I’m interested in talking further, then I’m cutting it off.

Q: What can women do to turn you off?
Beecher: Play too hard to get. And I don’t like women who put themselves down a lot. It feels like they’re fishing for compliments.

Brendan: I think the flipside is a woman who’s way too into you. Interest is great; fawning isn’t.

Joe: I don’t know what would turn me off. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time a woman annoyed me.

Q: Ever been picked up by a woman? Do you like that or would you rather make the first move?
Beecher: Doesn’t scare me one bit. They’re being forward about something I want. It’s kind of like going to a cake store to buy a cake, and when you walk in they offer you a free one. It’s like, “Thanks, that’s exactly what I was looking for.”

Brendan: A big yes to that one. I guess it’s because I’m more of a relationship guy, so I’m not usually looking to hook up with a random girl. I’ve been interested in women, and they’ve been far too forward, or alluded to getting physical way too quickly. If within the first three drinks she says, “Hey, let’s go back to your place,” I think that she’s probably done this with tons of other guys.

Joe: Yeah, this woman I met at a bar recently did something like that. I don’t think a woman can be too forward—just too forward a little too quickly. Once I think it’s in the bag, it’s no fun anymore. There’s no chase.

Q: How far will you guys go that first time you’re together?
Joe: All the way.

Brendan: How far would I go, or how far would I go and have a relationship afterwards? Because if I get everything the first time we’re together, I probably won’t be calling her back.

Beecher: That’s horrible. But I will say that if she’s willing to hook up on the first date, it says something about her attitude.

Joe: For me, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not going to judge her based on whether she goes all the way, because, to tell the truth, I will if she will.

Beecher: It’s not a deal-breaker. If she makes me wait, so long as it’s not too long, that’s fine.

Q: How long is too long to wait to do the deed?
Beecher: Three dates.

Brendan: For someone I really liked, I’d wait months.

Joe: To tell you the truth, I haven’t had to wait any longer than three or four dates, so I don’t really know. But I’d have a very hard time waiting as long as Brendan.

Q: Who here would be great in bed, and why?
Joe: It’s a shot in the dark. I’ve been with women who were social dynamos but really conservative in bed. And I’ve been with women who were shy, but when they’re in the dark, it’s a whole new ballgame.

Beecher: It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch. Also good: Women who are comfortable in their bodies. The brunette girl with the scarf isn’t flaunting anything. She’s not dressed in a very sexy way. But she’s using her body in a great way. She keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs, which I find really hot. And I’ve seen her lick her lips a few times, which is hot, too. She uses her body to get a guy’s attention, which means she thinks she’s sexy. That confidence means she’s probably fun to fool around with.

Q: Ever end up in a relationship with someone you’ve met at the bar?
Joe: Yeah, plenty. I’m not picky about where I meet a girl.

Brendan: I haven’t. It’s not that I’m against meeting a woman in a bar. I just don’t date that many people, and the ones that I end up dating, I tend to know through someone else.

Beecher: Same with me. I tend to date within my social network. Friend-of-a-friend. But I have had a couple relationships that kicked off in a bar. Women I knew beforehand, but when we got a few drinks in us…

Q: Do guys’ nights out change once someone in the group has a girlfriend?
Beecher: Not for me. I’m just going to do what I want.

Joe: I love going out with friends who have girlfriends. That means less competition. It also means I’ve got a wingman to help me out.

Brendan: Yeah. As long as there’s one single guy in the group, it’s fine. Everyone lives vicariously through him.

Q: And if you’re that guy with a girlfriend, where do you draw the line at what you will and won’t do when you’re out with your buddies?
Brendan: Well, I wouldn’t cheat on my girlfriend, if that’s what you’re asking. My rule is, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do in front of my girlfriend.”

Beecher: I might flirt a little, though. No harm in having a little fun.

Joe: If I was in a serious relationship, I would keep it clean, definitely.

Beecher: Except you never consider any relationship “serious.”

Joe: Doesn’t change my answer.

Miss Manners: Is Being Polite Always the Answer?

Dear Miss Manners,
Is being polite always the answer? Perhaps you have tried being polite over and over again and your friend keeps persisting in their rude behavior? Should you just give up and be rude right back?

Why? Because you admire your friend's behavior so much that you want to imitate it? Or because you believe that being rude to your friend will inspire her to be polite to you?

Miss Manners is afraid that you suffer from the misconception that rudeness is the only way to register disapproval. But retaliatory rudeness only demonstrates that you do approve of rudeness, at least for yourself.

Between friends, who are presumably of good will, it should be possible to register the fact that you are offended. You can state it ("I wish you wouldn't do that; it bothers me") or show it (by turning cool and being less available) as long as you do it tactfully. If your friend remains indifferent to your feelings, it will be time to re-evaluate the friendship.

Sisters and Friendship

Sisters haven't enjoyed the best public relations throughout history. Cinderella's step-sisters tried to steal the show, Hollywood played havoc with sisterly relationships in films like HUSH HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE, and even Mary and Martha in the Bible quarreled over housework.

Girls with sisters seemingly argue and compete, while boys resent sisters who spy and tell on them. Is it possible in today's society to have a positive relationship with a sister?

Indeed it is, by following suggestions like those below that have been gleaned from sister survivors:

1. Focus on the positives. Keep in mind your sister is human, too. She makes mistakes, says bitter things when angry, and is possessive about her belongings. But Sis also has goals, enjoys life, and wants to be successful, like you. Appreciate these similarities instead of emphasizing the differences between you.
2. Value your similarities. Some siblings look alike, act alike, talk alike, or think alike. Few pairs are totally different from each other. Look for ways to accent your common interests. If you're both political conservatives, jointly volunteer to help a local political party. If you both enjoy horseback riding, take riding lessons together. You'll be surprised how much fun you can have when you let your guard down.
3. Bridge the differences. If you both like shopping but treasure different styles, go to a mall together, go your separate ways to shop, then meet for lunch. If she enjoys cooking while you like dining out, take turns arranging dinner each month doing what each of you like. You like romantic comedies but she prefers drama? Rent one of each for an at-home video night with popcorn.
4. If one of you has offended the other, be frank about it. If you made the mistake, call or write with an apology. If your sister made the error, calmly ask to meet and explain how she hurt you, but say you want to "get over it" if she is willing. She may well appreciate your taking the initiative and more than likely, will reciprocate in mending fences.
5. Do something special for her. Plan a birthday or anniversary party, take her out for a wacky evening of fun, send a surprise gift. For example, if she is a nurse, send a decorator plaque with a cute nurse figurine. Get concert tickets for an evening of enjoyment, either for her and you, or her and her spouse. Unexpected thoughtfulness has a way of touching people's hearts.
6. Make fun family memories. Take photos, record dialog or songs, use the video camera to capture funny moments, or journal about the reasons why you appreciate having a sister. Send copies of these things to her. Writing a poem or short story about your shared family life is another way to preserve special bonds.

Many "only" children would love to have a sibling to share their family lives. Take time to savor your sister in these or other ways before each or both of your lives change, perhaps permanently.

Cancer and Virgo Compatibility

The watery, emotional nature of Cancer blends well with the pragmatic but rich, earthy love of Virgo. These two signs balance each other wonderfully and share some surprising similarities which make them natural mates for one another.

Cancer and Virgo are both shy and reserved signs, so it may take them awhile to realize their attraction to one another. There's a chance that either might give up the game entirely before it even gets started, simply because of a perceived lack of interest from the other person. Both are attentive though, so chances are they will pick up on each other's subtle hints and use these to overcome their fears of rejection. Also, because their methods of seduction are so understated, neither is likely to be put off by what they consider gross, forceful advances

They will probably find many likable qualities in each other right off the bat. Both are rather aloof but have strong emotions underneath. Both are observant and put a great deal of emphasis on the details in life. Cancer is unlikely to come on too strong and scare off the skittish Virgo, but will surprise Virgo by remembering she likes sushi and suggesting a restaurant they can go to. Cancer will appreciate Virgo's sincerity and Virgo will love Cancer's attentive listening. The cooperation between the two is great. Both are capable of stimulating conversation, but they also know when to shut up and listen to the other. Neither will dominate the conversation, but it probably won't be boring to either other.

Cancer is unlikely to surprise Virgo with a dozen roses and an extravagant gift. Virgo will appreciate not being under pressure to respond to flamboyant romantic gestures which are foreign to her nature. The perfect first dates for these two involve the theater, art galleries, concerts, and tasteful restaurants. Understated luxury is the rule for both and they will feel mutual admiration for each other's impeccable taste. Cancer loves music and Virgo is impressed by knowledge, intelligence, and culture. Both prefer quiet, intimate environments over crowds and noise. Both have a secret love of luxury, but this should not be confused with a taste for the overly posh or pretentious. Understated elegance is more their style.

Both will express the initial giddiness of love in an anxiousness to please one another, surprising each other with courtesy, small gifts, and surprising compliments. Neither will be disappointed if the relationship moves slowly, though both will have to find ways to make sure the other knows that they aren't stalling or showing a lack of interest. This shouldn't be hard, as each is motivated by a genuine desire to please a person they feel affection for. As they get to know each other, they'll begin to see signs of the riches each brings to the relationship and the wait will seem very much worthwhile.

As Cancer opens up, he'll show his immense capacity for love and affection. Virgo will love the old-fashioned romantic she finds in Cancer. This expressive, freely imaginative personality works well with Virgo, making her feel secure and encouraging her to open up as well. Cancer, meanwhile, will respond well to Virgo's obvious trustworthiness and honesty. Each will probably feel a great sense of relief and amazement that they have finally found a partner who shares their values and understands them so well.

Sex between Cancer and Virgo may not initially be wild and adventurous, though it will be full of love and appreciation for each other. Because of this obvious love, Virgo will quickly show Cancer an earthy sensuality that few others see. She responds well to Cancer's emotional, intuitive approach to intimacy and may surprise Cancer by showing him a few new tricks. Cancer meanwhile will love the way Virgo returns his ardor. Her candidness and warm affection will be enough to inspire his complete devotion. Their sex life will be emotional, loving, and fulfilling for both of them for years to come.

Virgo and Cancer are both hard workers, Virgo because she is a perfectionist and Cancer because he recognizes he must work in order to achieve the security he craves. Neither will find cause for complaint in the other's work ethics. Cancer will also understand when Virgo needs a break, offering a backrub or willing ear to office complaints. This makes Virgo feel appreciated and helps her avoid getting burnt out with stress. Virgo will also help Cancer balance out his mood swings and keep him from getting distracted.

Both signs are fond of domestic comfort and security. This couple's home will be peaceful and surprisingly luxurious and they'll take pride in their surroundings. Neither has a problem with quiet evenings or keeping their living space free of clutter. Domestic harmony will generally be the rule.

The one place where these two are likely to clash is in their overcritical natures. Both are prone to nitpicking and harsh judgments, and neither likes their own medicine very much. Cancer in particular is prone to hold grudges and view criticism as rejection. However, Cancer's empathetic nature can help him to see that Virgo doesn't mean any real harm with her nagging, and Virgo's analytical nature doesn't allow her to completely ignore her faults. They'll be sure to make up quickly.

Both Virgo and Cancer are also prone to becoming jealous. Though at times they might become suspicious of each other, especially since neither one is likely to say everything on his mind at a given moment, neither is likely to find evidence of misbehavior. Both are straightforward people who are devoted to their family and who take love seriously.

The surprising thing about this couple is that their differences are as complementary as their similarities. Virgo tends to be protective of the ones she loves and Cancer loves to be protected. In return, Cancer has a way of nursing Virgo's ego and understanding her nervousness.

While Virgo is analytically minded, Cancer is emotional. Virgo has no problem letting Cancer know when his emotional reactions should be tempered with a dose of logic. Cancer, meanwhile, helps Virgo navigate confusing emotional territory. He is particularly skilled at explaining his feelings, asking the questions which will help Virgo explain her emotions, and intuitively knowing just what Virgo needs. Both draw out each other's best qualities, seeming to effortlessly break down defenses that have defeated most others.

Because of their shared emphasis on loyalty and devotion, this couple may very well have just what it takes to have a life-long romance. They're prepared to not just tolerate one another, but nurture each other and the relationship itself. Not only that, but they are both types whose love gets better over time. If they can hold out through the first few storms, they're likely to find their love of and attraction to each other growing exponentially over the years.

Cancer and Scorpio Compatibility

Few relationships are as interesting as the one between the Cancer and the Scorpio. Being very nearly polar opposites, many times this mixture is ill advised, as they seem to have little in common emotionally. Often a Cancer and Scorpio may know this within the first few days of the relationship. Surprisingly, though, because of a distinct Ying and Yang quality between them, they will often stay together far longer than originally planned.

As it happens, the Cancer's even-tempered, even handed approach to things is often the glue that holds this relationship together. When the Cancer falls in love, they have a tendency to overlook some things that may be unacceptable to the rest of us. Their ability to forgive is very nearly bottomless. So when a Scorpio gets out of hand, as they sometimes will from time to time, the Cancer may respond with anger, but they are simply unable to hold a grudge forever.

One may think that since both Cancer and Scorpio are water signs, then, naturally, they must be closely related. Ironically enough, the fact that they are both of the water is where their similarities end. The Scorpio is steadfast in his/her purpose and intensely passionate about all things that they care about, while the Cancer is more aloof about their purpose in life. Not to say that they don't get fired up when the need arrives, but more often than not they are the peacemakers to their Scorpio counterparts firestarters.

Sometimes, however, this combination of firestarter and peacemaker can result in a kind of team effort towards life in general. Their adverse personalities will sometimes serve to keep the other in check. When the Scorpio feels slighted by a lost opportunity, it'll be the Cancer that helps them to move on to other chances. When the Cancer wants to overlook someone who has insulted them, it'll be the Scorpio that helps them to stand up for themselves.

For the Cancer and Scorpio, the bedroom is the only place of uneven ground. While the sex life between these two will be intense when the relationship is new, the chances of longevity are slim. The Cancer may feel a lack of reciprocity here, for while the Scorpio's intensity makes him/her a skilled lover, he/she has a tendency to become accustomed to a routine (as they tend to get set in their ways). Eventually, the Cancer will want something new and often times, infidelity comes to mind. While they may not act on it, they will be the first to fantasize about others. The good news is that a faithful Cancer will first strive to introduce their Scorpio to new things in the bedroom before looking to outside sources, but don't expect the Cancer to wait around too long if the Scorpio is particularly stubborn.

Nevertheless, the Scorpio's most redeeming (and most damning) quality is his/her passion. They don't have any real sense of moderation, so when a Scorpio goes for what he/she wants, it's both barrels, full throttle. This is a good thing when it comes to birthdays and special events. You can expect the Scorpio to shower his/her Cancer with lavish presents or terribly thoughtful ideas and plans. They are all about giving 110 percent.

Overall, the Cancer/Scorpio relationship can work if given the chance. Because of the Yin/Yang quality of both signs, the key to making a Cancer/Scorpio relationship work is just understanding. A Cancer who understands his/her Scorpio (and vice versa) will no doubt understand his/her place in their life. For these signs, one only has to remember that you cannot have light without dark. They will easily provide each other balance, if given the opportunity.

Cancer and Leo Compatibility

It's a rare and funny thing indeed when a Cancer and a Leo fall in love with one another. These two zodiac signs are known for embodying opposite extremes when it comes to self-esteem and self-image, so when hearts melt and egos dissolve, there's plenty of drama to be played out in front of friends, and really, anyone else who's a willing ear or potential audience.

Leo is ruled by the Sun, whereas Cancer is ruled by the Moon, making the difference between these two signs like night and day, in every sense. Leo, the Lion, is the great exemplar of pride but also of generosity. Cancer, the Crab, emanates enormous sensitivity but also neediness. Leo is popularly known as the most outgoing and playful sign in the zodiac, possessing the natural ability to make heads turn upon entering a crowded room. So what if one of these heads belongs to a wistful, admiring Cancer? After all, part of being Leo means that you find yourself constantly surrounded by a flock of admirers, making you the envy of others. If Cancer acts quickly and doesn't let its notorious insecurity take over and immediately send him or her into a state of self-doubt, circular thinking, and paralysis, the result will be a positive and healthy break from habit that is rewarding in itself. If anything, these two signs can teach each other a great deal about self-image. Cancer can learn seamless confidence and the finer aspects of social grace from Leo. Moreover, it has never hurt any Cancer to see themselves in an equal relationship with someone whose star sign is the one identified with power and charisma, which many Cancers secretly envy. In return, Leo may feel more inclined to share the spotlight or wealth, for example, suddenly turning down the chance to be the usual center of attention at parties in favor of a one-on-one relationship that offers the depth and loyalty of a Cancer partner or aiding Cancer through social or professional connections. In general, these two signs can help each other become better people, with Cancer helping Leo shed its self-centeredness, and Leo helping Cancer shed its self-consciousness.

But does all this back-and-forth nurturing make for a passionate or lasting relationship? Leos need attention like plants need sunlight, and sometimes they fall back on their string of admirers because they truly do believe there is such thing as harmless flirting. What's even more astonishing to others is the fact that many Leos flirt on an entirely unconscious level, as though it were only natural for them to be the object of desire of everyone they met! In comparison, once Cancers make an emotional commitment, they tend to be rather possessive. This means that if clingy Crabs feel their partners drifting away, they do whatever they can to hold on, which at its ugliest, means hurting them. As a result, this pairing could be a mutually draining combination. It is worth noting, however, that combinations of shyer Leos and more outgoing Cancers have a much better chance at finding a happy medium, although these relationships are more likely to be platonic rather than romantic.

The Cancer-Leo dynamic can be overwhelmingly positive in professional relationships or friendships, as their ability to reflect self-image in one another can be constructive for both parties. However, it's a very rare thing for these two zodiac signs to look in the mirror, so to speak, and truly fall in love.

Aries and Libra Compatibility

A relationship between Aries (March 21-April 19) and Libra (September 23-October 23) is a true case of "when opposites attract." Directly opposite each other in the zodiac, they will naturally find themselves drawn to each other, and their differing personalities merge well.

Each sign will find qualities it lacks in the other, so together the two signs can achieve balance and harmony. Libra's tact will help Aries tone down its hotheadedness, and will also help Aries with people skills as well as teaching them the value of relationships. While Libra can often be indecisive, Aries is always ready to take action, and can help Libra learn to rely on intuition when making decisions. In contrast to the Aries tendency to be brash and tactless, the charming Libra can help Aries develop greater diplomacy when dealing with people. In addition, Libra's natural desire for peace and harmony means they will do anything to make the relationship work, helping ensure that the differences between the two signs don't overwhelm their love for each other.

The differences between these two signs are numerous, but this can actually be one of the relationship's greatest strengths, if the two signs use the opportunity to learn from each other. Aries is focused primarily on the self, while Libra is interested in how other people work. Aries focuses more on self-motivating desires, while Libra uses other people's experiences to gain insight into themselves. Aries values its independence, but Libra thrives on relationships. Despite the many differences, if the two signs can learn to work together, they can achieve a harmonious relationship. Compromise is the key to making this relationship work.

The differences between the signs complement each other well overall. Aries is a fire sign, and Libra is an air sign, which means the two signs can help each other grow and find ways to achieve their goals. Fire is fueled by air, so this combination can definitely be fiery. Aries can help Libra put their many ideas into practice, but working together is a delicate procedure. Whereas Aries is impulsive and prefers to work at a hectic pace, Libra prefers approaching things slower and more intellectually. This can cause the two to clash, so being mindful of each other's different working styles is essential. The two signs have much to teach each other, however. From Libra, Aries can learn the value of compromise and the importance of taking another person's way of doing things into account. From Aries, Libra can learn to be more decisive.

There is one similarity between the two, however--both are cardinal signs. Because of this, both signs have great initiative, and are always starting new projects, sometimes before they've completed their current undertakings. They both lack follow-through, and often start projects they never finish. Both signs want to take the lead, but use strikingly different tactics to achieve this. Bold Aries is more assertive, and sometimes resorts to intimidation to achieve their goals. The more diplomatic Libra prefers charm, and sometimes manipulation, and is much more likely to compromise. Because Aries despises giving in to someone else, Libra may find themselves submitting to Aries' wishes in order to maintain a peaceful relationship. But while Aries' take charge attitude makes it seem that they're in the lead, the more intellectual Libra may actually be the one charting their course.

For Aries and Libra, a passionate relationship may literally be written in the stars. Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, the planet of passion, while Libra is ruled by the planet Venus, the planet of love. With this combination, their relationship has the necessary components for an intense and loving partnership, and their union is destined to be magical.

Aquarius Love Matches

If you are dating or in love with an Aquarius, plan for the ride of your life! The world of an Aquarius is filled with excitement and entertainment. They tend to be caring and giving lovers, but idealistic in their approach to relationships. Someone who shares that never-ending Aquarian quest for a better world is the ultimate partner for them. Aquarians tend to be flirtatious charmers who like the social scene, but can also appreciate the unique beauty and power of just two.

Their favorite kind of date is anything that is different, new, technological or particularly progressive. The snare their attention, you need to think "out of the box!" Go on an adventurous date such as spelunking, a creative date where you serve dinner at a soup kitchen, or an intellectual date featuring a noted speaker--it will all appeal to an Aquarius. They are smart, outgoing and lots of fun to be around!

So what are the best signs for an Aquarius? Although I think that any relationship can work, given enough effort, love, understanding and compromise, there are definitely some signs that are more compatible with an Aquarius.

Gemini and Aquarius definitely work well together. Gemini's love nonstop adventure, and an Aquarius can give them that. These two signs are free to be rebellious, something that is near and dear to both of their hearts. They find pleasure together in action and excitement, so this match will not be boring! An Aquarius and a Gemini can be both friends and lovers, which is an excellent combination for a long-term relationship.

Libras also tend to be compatible with Aquarians. Librans love beauty and society, and are naturally friendly. This ties in well with the Aquarian desire to socialize and also to care about the greater good. Librans are also understanding of the Aquarian's unpredictability, and can handle it without getting too bent out of shape!

Another good match for an Aquarius is the Sagittarius. Sagittarians are adventurous and intelligent, not unlike the Aquarian. Both sign tend to have large groups of friends and be public minded. These sign both love change, and if the Aquarian enjoys traveling, so much the better. The Sagittarian will come up with exciting places to go that will stimulate the mind as well as the senses. Sagittarians are also public-minded, and can enthusiastically get behind whatever cause the Aquarian is currently involved in.

Aries can be a good partner for the Aquarian, too. This union may be a little bumpier than some of the others, but it can still work. Both Aries and Aquarius enjoy having a large variety of activities, and a shared vision of the future. Aries can be a bit domineering, however, but if Aquarius can learn to give the Aries person their space, this relationship can thrive.

Many signs have a hard time being compatible with another person of their own sign, but not Aquarius! These two will save the world, have deep discussions, great adventures, and a ton of friends. If anything, they can sometimes make better friends than lovers.

There are other signs that tend to be less compatible with an Aquarius. Again, though, I believe that any relationship can be a good one. It depends on the unique characteristics of the two people involved. That said, some personality traits of these other signs could be a challenge for an Aquarius.

These can be Virgo, whose love of routine conflicts with the Aquarian need for unpredictability. Cancers operate on intense emotion and intuition. This will be hard for an Aquarius, who lives firmly in reality and prefers rationality to displays of emotion. Scorpios tend to be possessive, and this make the free-spirited Aquarius feel smothered. Capricorns can also have trouble uniting with an Aquarius, because they like to have a devoted partner, and Aquarius can be just a little busy with their current causes to show the kind of devotion a Capricorn desires.

Youth Leadership Development

Leaders Know their Abilities and Short-comings

How does your child find her strong points? By trying things and succeeding. How does you child find her weak points? By trying things and failing. Keeping a child from failure is a sure way to create a follower. Confidence for a child comes because they truly know themselves. Weakness develops when a child is kept from knowing themselves by parents who won't let the child struggle and lose.

Telling a child he is irresponsible, but then never letting the consequences of that irresponsibility touch their lives is doing the child a disservice. Having to use a beat-up, old baseball glove because the new one was left at a park and stolen teaches better than all the lectures in the world. If, however, a new glove shows up, the parents just taught the child irresponsibility doesn't really hurt anyone ,,, and who follows a leader that believes that?

Children need a variety of experiences. Maybe on a soccer field your son stands to the side and just listens, but when it comes to helping younger kids at the library he steps to the front and takes charge. Just like adults, children feel more comfortable in some situations than others ,,, find your child's comfort zone and let them become proficient there. Then spend time in the NON-comfort zone.

Good Leaders are Good Followers

This is where the NON-comfort zone comes in. Want to raise a good leader? Make sure they spend some time in areas where they aren't the leader. Talk with them about what the leader does well and what the leader doesn't do well. Point out to them where the leader made everyone want to follow or where mutiny threatened. Share your experiences with leaders, the good ones and the bad ones. Learning to follow is the first step in learning to lead and in the pack is a great place to learn about the others in the pack. Teach your child to look at the people around him ,,, if he wants to be a leader he has to know people.

People are Important to Leaders

Leaders move people. So your child needs to be around people ,,, a wide variety of people. Sometimes these strangers seem so different from our children and yet a leader sees beyond what the worlds sees and looks at the individual. So give your child the opportunity to be around those of different backgrounds ,,, economic, racial, intellectual, and cultural. It's especially good for your child to befriend handicapped individuals. They help a child see the world from a completely different perspective.

Leaders see more than one situation

Sitting in a wheel-chair, your child's friend teaches about physical limitations. Conversations with a person of limited mental capacity teach that the world isn't viewed only through eyes like mine. Options, new view points open up. Leaders with only one laser-like focus, may get a lot done; but they don't truly lead people--they push them.

Compassion and empathy mark a true leader. Where does a child pick up these qualities? By being in uncomfortable, unpopular positions. How do they get in those positions? Their parents put them there on purpose.

Few children will enthusiastically sign up to serve lunch at the local mission even when the opportunity is offered through their school, scout group, or church. Parents raising leaders make sure their child's name is on the list. However, if your son never sees you doing things for the less fortunate, your words and actions will ring hollow. In other words, you're not being a good leader.

Leaders take responsibility

"Your actions speak so loud I can't hear a word you're saying." An old saying my Mama often used on me. Your child is a leader? Your child is being watched. Preparing your son to be a leader, but not preparing him to be an example is dangerous. Not only can a weaker person be led astray, but your child needs to know he will not get away with what others might. Doesn't seem fair, but it's true. First of all, leaders are more visible. They get caught because they are in the line of sight. Second, people will want to see them fall. Another saying from my Mama, "Some people can only feel big if they bring you down to their size." Sad, but once again, true.

Leaders, even children, take on responsibility for those around them. This is powerful and must be explained to your child. Matter of fact, that power is why being a leader is attractive. Presenting a balanced view of this responsibility takes time. No one wants a child burdened, but to not discuss it could result in an even bigger burden. When a young person has to face that a weaker person followed their example and ended up hurt, it can be devastating. Being a leader is good, but means wielding power. That power requires responsibility.

If Things Fall Apart, a Leader Rises to Take the Blame

Being a leader looks good, sounds good, feels good ,,, until things go bad. A leader then steps to the front, accepts blame, fixes things, then moves on to the future. How do we prepare our children for this?

1. Show them examples of leaders that take responsibility--and those that don't. I still remember my father using President Richard Nixon as an example to my younger brother. "Son, the President is in trouble because he lied. It's that simple. He lied." Let your children see the impact leaders around them everyday have. Look for examples in the news or even on their baseball team. When a coach looses it and yells at a referee point out later that the behavior is unacceptable. When a coach walks away from a loss looking for ways to play better next time, praise his actions.
2. Don't stand between them and their consequences. When things go bad there are consequences. Making sure your child knows this robs the consequences of some of their power. A child familiar with the procedure: bad things happen, consequences come, I face them, and then I do better next time- is a child on her way to being a wonderful leader.
3. Give them resources to fix their problems once they've faced the consequences. Sit down and help your child find a solution. Lay out a schedule for work on the next project so it won't be late. Purchase a bag for her softball equipment so no more gloves are lost. Leaders provide solutions, so you'll need to teach your child how to find solutions. Leaders provide hope, so show your child there is hope for a better outcome next time.
4. Let them move on. Leaders that drag the past around with them to beat their followers over the head are not popular leaders. Teach your son how to forgive and move on by forgiving his mistakes and looking to the future.

Becoming a leader may sound kind of hard on a child, but it's even harder on the parent. To willingly put your child in situations necessary to form leadership qualities takes guts, but leaders are needed. So, the world is offering daily opportunities for risk, failure, success,,, is your child up to the challenge? Better yet ,,, are you?