Seven things to know when dressing for the office

That's a polite way of saying that a button-down company won't appreciate your showing up for work in cutoffs and flip-flops, while a crunchy-granola outfit will think you're nuts if you sit at your desk in a three-piece suit.

Making the right impression at work isn't hard if you keep in mind three basic points when buying clothes for the office:

1. Presentation counts.

2. Casual shouldn't mean slovenly.

3. Dress as you want to be seen: Serious, professional, upward-bound and ready to meet clients.

Before you head to Talbots (nyse: TLB - news - people ), Saks (nyse: SKS - news - people ), Macy's—a subsidiary of Federated Department Stores (nyse: FD - news - people )—or your friendly Army-Navy surplus store in search of new clothes, size up your office. If you want to be a manager, check out what the successful managers wear. Next, check out the rising stars in the office. Here's betting they don't show up for work in their weekend grubs.

If your office has a written dress code, your problems are solved, and you can dress cookbook-style. If necessary, go shopping with the dress code in hand and pluck appropriate stuff from the rack. But many offices don't have written standards, and it's up to you to get it right. So, here's a rule of thumb: Understated elegance beats flash and trash five days a week. That means men shouldn't dress like aspiring rock stars, and women should shun the Paris Hilton look.

For men who still furnish their apartments in Undergraduate Chic, traditional attire includes:

—A button-down shirt.

—Polished black shoes.

—A blue, black or gray jacket.

—Slacks that complement the jacket.

—You can't go wrong with a conservative tie. (Alas, this rules out pink flamingoes, hula dancers and anything to do with sports.)

—Don't forget the socks. Here's a hot tip for fashion-impaired Y-chromosome types everywhere: buy two dozen pairs of identical black or blue socks so you can pluck two at random from your drawer each morning and always have a match.

There is some slack in the grand scheme of things. Blue and white shirts have been around since time began, or so it seems, but there's also room for the occasional yellow, pink or (if you're an aspiring poet) black shirt. However, if you don't know what you're doing, stick with blue and white shirts, because otherwise you're almost certain to step in it.

For women, the traditional look includes:

—A skirt that hits just above the knee, slacks and perhaps pantsuits.

—Simple jewelry.

—Just a hint of makeup. Skip the perfume, especially during a job interview or the first few days at a new job. If you use perfume thereafter, go easy on the saucy splash behind the ears, because you can bet that some grump or hyper-sensitive soul will complain bitterly about headache, nausea or a general outbreak of the fantods. (See " How To Work For An Idiot.")

—Polished flats or moderate heels.

—Sweaters.

—Pantyhose may be the office standard. Ask.

Keep an eye out for regional differences; what's standard in the Northeast may be seen as stuffy and impractical in the Southwest.

Remember that you're not dressing to attract attention at a rowdy bar while guzzling Anheuser-Busch (nyse: BUD - news - people ), Molson Coors Brewing (nyse: TAP - news - people ) or Boston Beer (nyse: SAM - news - people )—you're dressing to underscore your professionalism and competence. Some young workers don't understand the difference and damage their careers. Getting it right is especially crucial when interviewing for a job or sitting down to a new one. Overcoming a bad first impression is as difficult as un-ringing a bell. (See " Hitting A Job Interview Home Run.")

"Many recent college grads just have no understanding of a professional wardrobe," Hansen says. "Up to that point in their lives, extra money has been spent on party clothes. Some think because they look attractive when going out, the same clothes will work in a job interview."

Here's a gentle reminder, gentlemen, brought to you by a seasoned interviewer: If you borrow a jacket for an interview, make sure it fits. If it's three sizes too large, you'll look like a miniature person; if it's too small, you'll look lost without your mother. Non-verbal cues can speak volumes, especially to a job interviewer. (See " Is Body Language Betraying You In Job Interviews?")

When starting a new job, remember that you're being sized up all the time. Little things count. How you dress will tell the boss how you see yourself and how you approach the job. Some people, especially young workers, overlook this basic point, flub it and wonder why what seemed like a promising opportunity turned sour. (See " Job Hunting Tips From Recruiters.")

You want to be noticed for the quality of your work—not the horrible miscalculation of your duds or what you think is a glorious bod.

It's better to overdress on your first day at a new job. If you dress too formally, you can count on the critter in the next cubicle poking you in the ribs and saying, "Nice outfit, but it's not necessary unless you're calling on clients." That beats the boss thinking that the surplus store is your tailor or, worse, that you don't take the job seriously.

Rule of thumb: Always dress for the task at hand. If you're a civil engineer headed for a construction site, jeans, a flannel shirt and work boots are fine, but that's not how to dress when making a formal presentation to the grand pooh-bahs at the office. Believe it or not, otherwise intelligent people are remarkably dumb about this basic point.

Appearance can create credibility. You know this from your own experience watching TV food-fight shows focusing on politics and other chin-pulling topics. Think of the number of times experts from opposing sides of an issue have made good points during an exchange, but you remember what one said simply because that person was better dressed and came across better on screen.

As usual, Mark Twain said it best: "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society."

Do not go naked (or inappropriately dressed) into that good night.

Womens guide to dating

For Women Only: Redefining the Rules of Dating

Ladies, we've all heard those lines passed down from generation to generation about how to get a man and keep him.

I bet you think those rules have served you pretty well up until now. Well, forget everything you thought you knew about dating. The times have changed ladies, and that means we have to change too.

In this case, change is good. I mean really, if the old rules were working, we would be married by now, am I right!?!? Take a look at The Woman's Guide to Dating and see how easy it is to change your dating style. And hey, if you don't like the new rules, you can always go back to the old ones. (NOT!)

Old Rule: The man always pays for the date.
New Rule: It's OK for women to pay sometimes.
The days of men taking care of all the dating bills are slowly fading away. Granted, this could be a little sad for some of us -- it's nice to be able to enjoy a great evening and not have to shell out a dime for it. But we are new millennium daters! We can handle this.

There are some benefits to paying for the date: You choose the place, based on what you like and how much you want to spend. Without all the flash of his cash, you can concentrate on who the guy really is, not what he's giving you. And, there's no way he would expect you to pay AND put out! You can't lose!

Old Rule: The man always asks the woman out.
New Rule: Take control of your dating life.
If we've got to pay for dates sometimes, we might as well start initiating them. Sure, the threat of rejection is a tough hurdle to overcome, but we have got to stop leaving our romantic future completely in the hands of men, chance or serendipity. (Honestly, why did we ever do that anyway? No wonder so many of us are still single!)

Think about it; if you're picking and choosing men, you'll have a much better chance of meeting someone who really piques your interest. Try it, you might like it!

Old Rule: Don't call the day after a date; it's too soon.
New Rule: If you want to talk, call.
In the new dating world, it's never too soon to let someone know you're interested or excited about them. If you had a good time on a date, what good reason would you honestly have for not letting the guy know it?

Let's get this straight; the amount of time between date and the follow-up phone call have absolutely nothing to do with whether you go out on a second date or not. Call him, and keep the conversation light. Say something simple like, "Hey, I had a great time last night, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again." If the guy thinks less of you because of that, then he's a wimp. Better to know sooner rather than later.

Old Rule: Give out your cell number instead of your home number.
New Rule: Give out your e-mail address.
Gone are the days that we make ourselves accessible via cell phones to any and everybody who may be interested in us. Why use up those expensive minutes on somebody who may not be worth talking to?

E-mail gives you lots of options; you read when you're available, respond when you're ready, and at least this way, you know you're dating a man who can at least put a couple of sentences together. Besides, who doesn't want to forward those sweet e-mails from a new beau to friends and co-workers?

Old Rule: No sex on the first date.
New Rule: Sex whenever you're ready.
Some of you are no doubt cringing at the idea that sex on the first date could possibly be OK. Consider this: the electronic dating age brings people together via IM, e-mail and lengthy phone calls before they ever meet face-to-face. By the time they go out for the first time, they've already swapped bad date stories, sexual histories and HIV test results.

So don't worry that he won't respect you in the morning. Plenty of women have let their emotions run wild and ended up marrying the guy, for better or for worse. So, if the mood hits you ...

Old Rule: If you don't see stars after the first kiss, he's not the one.
New Rule: Real love doesn't play out like a movie script.
Stars, fireworks, chills, butterflies -- isn't it all so romantic? Of course it is; it's the stuff that makes good love stories great. But it doesn't always happen like that in real life.

What’s the next best thing? Relationships that build over time, generating feelings of trust, friendship, respect, which trump fireworks and butterflies any day. Don't get caught up waiting to see stars before you dive in -- you might miss the wedding bells.

Old Rule: Online dating is for losers.
New Rule: New millennium, new ways to date. Get with it.
OK, putting a letter in the mailbox used to be the only way to send mail, but I don't see you saying e-mail is for losers! Online dating is an option, just like e-mail, text messaging or IM to communicate. And we can still use the old blue box on the corner anytime we feel like it.

The point is, technology has made it easier for us do things; dating is one of them. Love@AOL is just the meeting place; you still have to do all the old-fashioned legwork it takes to build a solid relationship. Really, even if you had the time, would you go to a club or bar every night to pick up dates? Talk about being a loser!

Old Rule: I have to be a "creature unlike any other" to get a boyfriend.
New Rule: Just be yourself.
Remember this the next time you are about to go on a date: the woman you are, right now, is just fine. In fact, you are absolutely perfect, so why try to be anybody different?

Pretending to be somebody that you're not won't work for long. At some point, the real you will show up, good or bad. So, if you're not a morning person or you never make up your bed, better to let those sides show. Besides, if you're busy pretending to be somebody you're not, you might not notice that the guy you're dating really isn't the one for you.

Find Your Type of Man

We all have a type of guy that turns us on -- really turns us on. Then again, we’re probably attracted to various types of guys depending upon our mood and how the planets are aligned. Sure, we may fantasize about the bad boy and riding off on the back of his motorcycle, but should we be searching out the executive instead when it comes to dating?

The Bad Boy

What Makes Him So Appealing?
He definitely grabs our attention. Why do we want him so badly, yet at the same time treat him like the forbidden fruit? He is all man and, though he may have more tattoos than The Metropolitan has art, that doesn’t mean he’s hands off. This guy can be lots of fun, but you might want to think twice before bringing him home to meet mom and dad just yet. Dash off on his motorcycle or shoot pool in his favorite bar. Go along for the ride, but be sure to wear a helmet because bumpy roads could lie ahead.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- He has too many tattoos with female names
- His wardrobe consists of a Hells Angels vest and bandannas

The Executive

What Makes Him So Appealing?
This guy is not the daddy-type per se, but it certainly feels good to know your man has a decent-paying job. What girl doesn’t want to be taken on exotic vacations or pampered a bit? Just remember he’ll be as busy with his love life as with his career. At first, you’ll be his No. 1 affection, but you’ll soon have to compete with his hectic schedule. He is successful for a reason and he’ll be as determined with you, but every once in a while you may have to remind him where you rank on his balance sheet.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His cell phone goes off every five minutes
- His secretary schedules your dates

The Jock

What Makes Him So Appealing?
Batter up! This guy is serious about sports whether he is playing or watching from the sidelines. He may speak a language that may be foreign to you at first, but you’ll be a quick study. The important thing is to look for a jock who’s physically active -- couch potatoes beware! Sure, he might run off to the ballpark, but you’ll probably enjoy a nice jog together during those quieter times. And if you hate baseball, you can still make it a good time watching the players in those ohh-so-tight uniforms.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His idea of sports is watching from a recliner at home
- Eating out for him is a hot dog and a beer

The Intellectual

What Makes Him So Appealing?
A brain can be hot with or without glasses. A learned man can expose you to things that most other guys can’t. Imagine dates that involve vineyards or lazy Sunday afternoons reading the newspaper together. He might not know, or care about, the latest sports score, but he certainly knows how to make you feel important. Take notes and be sure to sit at the front of the class. So when the grades come out, you definitely will not flunk out with this guy.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His favorite cable channels are Cartoon Network & Fox News
- He has a subscription to The Economist -- way too deep

The Intellectual

What Makes Him So Appealing?
A brain can be hot with or without glasses. A learned man can expose you to things that most other guys can’t. Imagine dates that involve vineyards or lazy Sunday afternoons reading the newspaper together. He might not know, or care about, the latest sports score, but he certainly knows how to make you feel important. Take notes and be sure to sit at the front of the class. So when the grades come out, you definitely will not flunk out with this guy.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His favorite cable channels are Cartoon Network & Fox News
- He has a subscription to The Economist -- way too deep

The Family Man

What Makes Him So Appealing?
This guy may come with a child from a previous marriage, but he offers a quality not easily found -- stability. Sure he has been through the whole love cycle and is starting back at square one, but this is where you step in as a seasoned dater. Give him time and he’ll pick up the pace. Fear not though, he’s not going to repeat what broke up his previous marriage. Now that you're an important part of his life, he'll work hard to create balance, because he'll want to make sure the kids are happy too.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His alimony checks keep bouncing
- He sees his kid(s) once every six months even though they live with him

The Rock Climber

What Makes Him So Appealing?
Granola isn’t just for breakfast anymore. This guy is completely in tune with nature which gives him a healthy balance with life. He may love sleeping under the stars, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be on a warm beach somewhere in the Caribbean. On top of being healthy, this guy might even be packing a hard lean body beneath all those biner clips. This guy is outdoor adventure so expect the occasional spider and snake, and more so, how to use a baseball cap as a fashion accessory.

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- His idea of fun is hiking up an active volcano
- Best Western is a foreign word to him

The Guy Next Door

What Makes Him So Appealing?
We’ve loved this guy ever since high school. Sure he wasn’t class president, but he wasn’t the class jokester either. All grown up now, this guy has everything going for him. He’s out on his own and, like you, trying to make the most out of the dating scene and his career. He might not spend Ksh500 on a bottle of wine, but he'll keep you interested while on a date. Enjoy him, but take it easy since this one can easily be startled with words like “marriage” and “kids.”

Warning Signs He Might Not Be Right for You
- ESPN Zone is his favorite date place
- His best friends are guys from his college fraternity

What your drink says about you

Personality in a Glass: Drink Decoder

Picture this: It's Friday night, and happy hour is in full swing at your favorite restaurant or club. There are good looking, potentially eligible men and women all around, and you're scanning the room looking for your next dating prospect. The checklist:
Cute? Check
Well-dressed? Check
No wedding ring? Check
But before you make a move, there's just one more thing; have you seen what the guy or girl who caught your eye is drinking?

Beer -- What You See Is What You Get

What It Means
Women: Here's a woman who is most comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt, and she can root for her favorite sports team along with the best of them. She likes her beer smooth, and her dates even smoother, so you better come correct. She's a woman who isn't afraid to be herself, right down to the last chug, and she'll tell you exactly what's on her mind.

Men: This guy likes it simple -- direct and to the point. He isn't going to play games with you unless he drinks one of those designer label beers. You can expect lots of sports analogies and dinners at TGI Fridays. But fear not, he'll always be there for you even though he'll still want to hang out with the guys to keep up his macho image. He is a keeper provided he isn't wearing a wife-beater when you first meet him.

Martini -- Oh, So Passe

What It Means
Women: She's either a truly classy lady, or she wants to play one on TV. FYI, flavored martini's went out with the last episode of 'Sex in the City.' But, if she orders a traditional martini, then she may be the real thing. Honestly though, who cares? If she has enough of them, you'll definitely be able to tell which side of the stirrer she falls on.

Men: This guy could go either way. If he sticks with tradition and goes for gin or vodka, he knows how to play the game. Three olives is his preference, but beware if he orders it extra dirty since that can only mean trouble ahead. If he breaks from tradition and orders a Cosmo, then he is a free spirit. His tastes may not be up to par with Mr. Olives, but he can take you on an adventure that most girls only dream of.

Whiskey -- Proceed With Caution

What It Means
Women: Interested in dating a whiskey-drinking woman? Then be afraid ... very afraid. This woman is a wild one, and there's no stopping her once she gets going. She's an adventurous, bonifide risk-taker, so be ready for anything. If you're the kind who can handle that, go for it. But just one more word of advice; don't play poker with her. You'll lose your shirt.

Men: This is a man who has arrived -- well almost. He likes to sit back and watch before he jumps into conversation. Check to make sure he orders a top-shelf brand, one that is hopefully single malt. If he orders it as just a whiskey, this guy is trying too hard to impress. Ordering rail whiskey is like drinking wine from a tap gun. Skip him and move on to the real deal since he will likely be the conversation if you stay too long.

Champagne -- Bubbles, Bubbles Everywhere

What It Means
Women: Watch this bubbly drinker closely; she's reserved and subtle, so you may not catch signs that she's interested if you aren't paying attention. A palate for champagne also suggests that she likes the finer things in life; be prepared to give them to her if you make her yours. Don't worry though; she'll make it worth your while.

Men: Bubbles are the tell-tale sign of a romantic man -- more so if he cares enough to order you a glass too. Remember the finer the bubbles, the better the champagne -- and the man. He is self-assured and doesn't care what other guys think. Right now you are center stage and he couldn't care less if the world were falling down around him. If you don't already have his number, get it now!

Margarita -- Out of Control

What It Means

Women: Frozen or not, this drink signifies a fun-loving girl who may have made an appearance in 'Girls Gone Wild' in her college days. She's probably a fan of shots too, so don't be surprised to hear a story about how she drank some guy under the table. If you're not afraid of her past, this free-spirited girl could help you create a future of fond memories.

Men: Tequila has a way of making a man speak the truth. Just wait until after a couple margaritas when all pretenses are gone, and you'll really see what he's like. He may be a fool, but at least you'll know almost immediately. This guy likes a fun time and probably is a great joker of sorts. Served on the rocks, you'll know he loves the ladies. Served frozen, then this guy is probably better off dating his mother.

Daiquiri -- Handle With Care

What It Means
Women: If your date orders a daiquiri, be sure and check her driver's license; she may not be old enough to drink. Daiquiri's are cute, in a fruit juice sort of way, so she's a woman you have to take it slow with. She could be a great catch, but it will take a while to find out.

Men: Now, don't take this the wrong way, but a guy who drinks daiquiri's isn't a guy you can take too seriously. Sure he might be nice, but I bet he still lives at home with his parents. Fruit should stay as a garnish on the drink and not become the drink. A daiquiri is like a learners permit for life. Sure he can drive, but not without training wheels. This guy is going to need some time to grow so best be prepared to show him lots of support. Check please!

Mojito -- Something New

What It Means:
Women: Here's an exotic woman who isn't interested in the same old, same old. Pull out all the stops if you want to spend time with her; dinner and a movie might not be exciting enough to keep a mojito-drinker interested. Be prepared to do new things, go new places and take dating to a new level.

Men: This guy is worldly, quick to know the latest buzz and can keep conversation fun and interesting. Initially, he may come off as too slick or suave, but you'll warm up to him once you get to know him. Fun nights and great restaurants await you with this guy, so give him a chance. The only problem is whether or not you'll be able to keep up. Hang in there; this guy is worth it.

Wine -- Suburban Sipper

What It Means
Women: This woman is traditional, in a 2.5 kids, house in the 'burbs, two-car garage kind of way. But she's sophisticated about it; she'll engage you in a conversation about politics, world peace and current events, all the while dreaming of the day she can be a stay-at-home soccer mom in charge of coordinating weekly car pools.

Men: It seems as if every man drinks wine today. The test here is what type of wine he orders. Does he prefer the commercial success of a pinot, or does he break from the hype and order something that centers on a particular region? The more specific he is about his wine preference, the more right on he will be as a date. Ask him about his wine choice and you'll be able to read him like a book. Just wait for the final chapter!

Master the art of cyberflirting

For many of you, communicating for the first time with someone you have not yet met can be a stressful and confusing proposition. Others may actually find this easier than flirting in the offline world. Whichever camp you fall in, we hope that the following tips will help you find the right words, nuances, and keyboard symbols to send the right message to your online crush.

Opening up the conversation
If you are the first to initiate an eflirt, keep your message relatively short and simple, but always include an intriguing fact about yourself to elicit curiosity (and inspire a response).
Example: Hello! I love the fact that you're a world traveler - have you ever been to Timbuktu? (Even if you've never been, you can follow up with subsequent messages about wanting to visit.)

The "Open Loop/Closed Loop" email
If for whatever reason you are not interested in pursuing a dialogue with your eflirtee, there are a couple of ways you can send the right message without being completely rude - this is the art of the "open- and closed-loop email." The open-looped email always ends with a question; the closed-looped email does not. The open-looped email indicates you are interested while the closed-looped hopefully lets the person know to stop emailing you.

Open-looped:It sounds like you are quite a mountain biker - where do you like to ride? What kind of bike do you have?

Closed-looped:That's cool that you like to bike. Take it easy.

Timing is everything
Similar to the offline world, timing is everything - but the rules on email are different. You do not need to wait three days to return an email, but you do need to wait more than three minutes. It's a smart idea to vary your response time, and be aware of how long he/she is taking to respond to you. Also of note: responding to emails at 10 pm on a Saturday night may not send the right message (and people, especially women do notice these things).

Spelling and grammar
People have very different standards for spelling and grammar in the email world. In the beginning, try to err on the grammatically correct side of things (this way they know you are capable of writing a complete sentence). It never hurts to run a spell-check or take time to proofread. After you have established a rapport, you can take more liberty using lower case, slang terms, and more casual communication.
In no time, you'll be wooing prospective dates with your flirtatious emails.

Eight ways to raise your self-esteem and boost your dating power

A guy says to his girlfriend, "You look nice today." However, to his disappointment she replies, "I don't look so good, don't you think that I'm fat and ugly?"

On the surface, you might think this woman's response is a sign of modesty, but most experts would agree that it is more likely a sign of destructive low self-esteem.

Eight thinking patterns

Self-esteem reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. The simplest way to raise a person's self-esteem is to improve that person's way of thinking. This isn't necessarily easy, but improved self-esteem can result by adopting these eight new thinking patterns:

1. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths: Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. For areas you don't feel real positive about, try to be more accepting of those unique features (example: having a nose of character).
2. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses: There is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you're also persistent and dependable.
3. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs: Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. (Example: speaking up at a meeting)
4. Avoid negative comparisons: Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But the most common trait of a person who has developed low self-esteem is to diminish themselves by contrasting how they don't measure up to others.
5. Stop the critic inside of you: Some people have a nasty habit of putting themselves down often. They say damaging things to themselves like, "I'm always late. Why am I such a flake?" or "There I go again, stupid!" Get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic.
6. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past: Some things are only minimally in your control, but people who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well.
7. Have more compassion for yourself: Realize the adversity of life can make you a stronger and more understanding person. The pain that you have suffered in the past can help you relate to a wider array of people. Your suffering makes you more human if you choose to channel it that way.
8. Be your own cheerleader: The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Use this analogy to illustrate how you talk to yourself, handle adversity, and summon up the courage to pursue your interests. Being your own cheerleader isn't silly, it's smart and contagious.

The Bottom Line: High self-esteem is attractive and low self-esteem is not. If you want to attract, get, keep, and enjoy love, it's important to maintain a high level of self-esteem to keep your man interested, but more importantly for your own well-being.