Miss Manners: Is Being Polite Always the Answer?
Dear Miss Manners,
Is being polite always the answer? Perhaps you have tried being polite over and over again and your friend keeps persisting in their rude behavior? Should you just give up and be rude right back?
Why? Because you admire your friend's behavior so much that you want to imitate it? Or because you believe that being rude to your friend will inspire her to be polite to you?
Miss Manners is afraid that you suffer from the misconception that rudeness is the only way to register disapproval. But retaliatory rudeness only demonstrates that you do approve of rudeness, at least for yourself.
Between friends, who are presumably of good will, it should be possible to register the fact that you are offended. You can state it ("I wish you wouldn't do that; it bothers me") or show it (by turning cool and being less available) as long as you do it tactfully. If your friend remains indifferent to your feelings, it will be time to re-evaluate the friendship.
Is being polite always the answer? Perhaps you have tried being polite over and over again and your friend keeps persisting in their rude behavior? Should you just give up and be rude right back?
Why? Because you admire your friend's behavior so much that you want to imitate it? Or because you believe that being rude to your friend will inspire her to be polite to you?
Miss Manners is afraid that you suffer from the misconception that rudeness is the only way to register disapproval. But retaliatory rudeness only demonstrates that you do approve of rudeness, at least for yourself.
Between friends, who are presumably of good will, it should be possible to register the fact that you are offended. You can state it ("I wish you wouldn't do that; it bothers me") or show it (by turning cool and being less available) as long as you do it tactfully. If your friend remains indifferent to your feelings, it will be time to re-evaluate the friendship.
posted by Jacinta | 6:14 AM
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