Color

Just Read that Red is the color of fear
and thats what I got in my life
fear of takig a risk
people assume I am so good at risks
but inside I am a small child in this

any risk worth having is a distance apart
has made me weak and strong
only that i manage once or twic but thats all there is
what a laughter factor

blue is the color of stand
strength and uprstrongness
need to feel that color in some people I am close to maybe

or pink is the color of a girl
like a child a little known and unknown acts
tender and beautiful

then this is the color of me
just plain and good
white maybe or not
orange or
yea
this is then the thought
color is all in me
day in day out
and it will bring out me

Today

this day is a blessing to me, myself and I
been a while and feels good
erick Bennet on the Radio and so much soul in music
I love the fact that it anything that its not

in fact feels whole and awesome
been a while and much better than ever
by the way this is something good
need to up my game eh!
me myself and I

BEGINNING

Now I seriously need to be back on ti blog thing
the competition for other networks and ideas is too much
least here my voice will self hear itself and mind self read
then I will make sense to me only and I wont have to worry
i will hate and like
maybe that's why i wont own a diary anymore
i will put this writing to full text view of many
and I wont be surprised that it will one day bear fruit
lemon or orange, pear or apple
any of what it will bear will be fruitful in some way
then I will develop what it means
and what it feels like and what it can be

15 Tips To Reduce Your Appetite And Promote Healthy Eating Habits

Here are 15 easy and practical ways to suppress the feeling of “I want more food” and to develop eating habits that will go a long way in maintaining good health.

Not all tips will be universally applicable to everyone, so pick and choose according to what suits you. Wherever possible, I have tried to provide references from authoritative sources to back up the tips; however, a complete and exhaustive list of references is beyond the scope of this blog… I will leave it to your “Googling” abilities to find additional references.

1. Eat foods with low glycemic index: Gylcemic index is a measure of how fast a given food item increases our blood sugar level. Highest on the index is glucose with a rating of 100. High glycemic index foods have a rating of 70+, medium glycemic index foods have a rating of 56+, and 55 and below are low index foods.

Foods with high glycemic index cause a sudden rise and fall of blood sugar level. Typically, falling blood sugar levels trigger the *need* to eat more food and that creates a sense of immediate hunger. Whereas, foods with low glycemic index cause a slow increase of blood sugar level and provide consistent levels of energy for a prolonged period of time (instead of rapid rise and fall). This slow release of energy prevents the triggering of our body’s hunger-circuit and results in decreased *appetite*. [Reference: Linus Pauling Institute, Oregon State University]

Apples, bananas, green vegetables, and beans are some examples of foods with low glycemic index. Try eating more salads and fruits instead of heavy main course meals to reduce your intake of food during subsequent meals in the day.

2. Eat slowly: This is bit controversial but there have been studies to prove that eating slowly suppresses appetite.
   

   In the study, 30 women made two visits to Melanson’s lab, and each time they were given a large plate of pasta and told to eat as much as they wanted. When they were told to eat quickly, they consumed 646 calories in nine minutes, but when they were encouraged to pause between bites and chew each mouthful 15 to 20 times, they ate just 579 calories in 29 minutes. Reference: Physorg.com

   Basically, eating your food slowly allows your brain enough time to analyze whether you stomach is full or not.

   Here are a few tips to help you eat slowly. Watch a movie, count the number of times you chew, engage in a conversation, read something while you are eating. There are other benefits of eating slowly - read about it in this post on Zen Habits.

3. Eat a number of small meals instead of few large meals: Again, the reasoning is along the lines of slow release of energy. Large meals will raise your energy levels quickly, but that rise in the energy level is followed by a big drop soon after which induces more *hunger* and can lead to binge eating during the subsequent meals. Small meals will mean consistent level of energy - which means lower craving for food.
4. Increase your dietary fiber intake: Dietary fiber increases the feeling of “fullness” and suppresses appetite.
   

   Stomach distension (feeling full) signals a person to stop eating … Once ingested, fiber enhances satiety and prolongs satiation after a meal through distending the stomach and by prolonging retention of gastric contents. Reference: Medscape Today

   Studies and clinical reports suggest that soluble fiber (such as psyllium, pectin, and guar gum) may enhance the sensation of fullness and reduce hunger cravings. For these reasons, incorporating soluble fiber into the diet may aid weight loss. Reference: University of Maryland Medical Center

   Foods such as apples, peaches, oranges, grapes, vegetables are good sources of soluble fiber.

5. Choose foods with lower calories per volume: Apparently, we habitually choose to eat food based on how large the portion looks, rather than looking at the calories. If we eat large volumes of given food (even if it is very low in calories), we tend to eat less during the next meal.
   

   “As it turns out, the energy density of food has a very robust effect on food intake,” Rolls says. She and her students performed a study in which the same foods — chicken and rice — could be served in three different forms: as a chicken rice casserole, as a chicken rice soup, and as a chicken rice casserole served with a 10-ounce glass of water. The soup-eaters ate 26 percent less during the subsequent meal than either of the other two groups. Reference: Research Penn State Online

   She and her students incorporated varying amounts of air into milkshakes by blending. The researchers found that the more air, the bigger the shake — and the less subjects ate during the following meal. Reference: same article as above.

   The soup-eaters and the bigger-shake-drinkers ate less simply because of their serving size looked bigger.

   This means that eating food with low energy density (less number of calories for a given volume) might help reduce appetite. Most fruits and vegetables have low measures of energy density.

6. Reduce the variety of flavors in a given meal: Some researchers have shown that certain appetite inducing hormones are activated when we eat foods with too many different flavors.
   

   “We stay hungry longer the more diverse the flavors in a meal or snack,” said Katz, a professor in the Department of Epidemiology and Public Health at Yale School of Medicine. “If flavors are thoughtfully distributed, we fill up on fewer calories. This explains why, for instance, people can eat a holiday meal to the point of feeling unpleasantly full, yet still have room for dessert. Reference: Medical News Today

   Try cutting on side dishes, and try cooking larger portions of just one dish instead of smaller portions of a variety of dishes.

7. Don’t starve yourselves: Starving is one of the greatest enemy of healthy eating habits. It creates a feeling of energy deficiency and people try to eat more after periods of starving to “make up for the lost food”. Nothing increases hunger/appetite more than starving for an extended period of time. Eating number of small meals a day (see the point #3) is one way to avoid starving. Include foods with low glycemic index in these small meals (see point #1).
8. Exercise more and eat immediately after exercising: This seems to go against conventional wisdom, but apparently, exercising stimulates the release of certain appetite-suppressing hormones and reduces the feeling of hunger.
   

   … levels of hormones called PYY, GLP-1 and PP, which tell the brain when the stomach is full, increased during and immediately after exercise. Volunteers also said they felt less hungry during this time.

   In the past we have been concerned that, although exercise burns energy, people subsequently ate more after working out. This would cancel out any possible weight reduction effects of exercise.

   But our research shows that exercise may alter people’s appetite to help them lose weight and prevent further weight gain as part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Reference: BBC News - Health

   Physical activity at a moderate rate does not increase the appetite. In some situations, the appetite will actually decrease. Research shows that the decrease in appetite after physical activity is greater in individuals who are obese than in individuals who are at their right body weight. Reference: NIH MedlinePlus

9. Choose a smaller dish: This is purely psychological. There is only so much you can stuff in a smaller dish and additional food will require additional tips to the kitchen. At times, it creates guilt faster - especially when you are having some company with your meal. Also, a larger dish (or a deeper bowl) holds a lot more food and sometimes we pressurize ourselves to completely finish everything that’s on our plate (to avoid appearing like a wasteful idiot). Naturally, if a larger dish has tricked you into loading up more food, you are going to end up eating much more than what you “need” - meaning, you will whip up some kind of an artificial appetite as an excuse to clean your plate up.
10. Drink a glass of water before a every meal: I mentioned this earlier in a post about benefits of drinking plenty of water and I will quote those lines here:
    

    Since water does not have any calories, it acts as an ideal *filler* material in your stomach and gives you a sense of “I am full” - which in turn decreases your appetite. This works best for people who are already over-weight and are controlling their appetite in order to lose weight.

    This falls in line with the concept of energy density discussed above in point #5.

11. Drink a lot of soup/broth before a meal: Vegetable/Chicken broths are awesome to taste and very easy to prepare. Keep in mind, if you drink too little (like the portions they serve in restaurants), it might act as an “appetizer” and make you eat more. The key is to drink more volume of soup/broth after you gulp down the small “appetizing” portion of it. So, essentially, drink enough so that you *almost* start filling full and then proceed for the main course dishes.
12. Remove food from your sight: This is a factor I term as “psychological appetite” - and it’s not really a *craving*, it’s just the lack of control when you see something that tempts you. You just tend to eat more of anything that is easily visible. You don’t have the appetite as such, but when you see something you can gobble down without much efforts, you start to have a feeling that you are hungry.A clear example of this is a bag of Hershey’s mini chocolates at my home. When we keep it outside, we devour it within a couple of days. However, the last time we got one, we shoved it in our refrigerator drawer (the drawer is at the very bottom) - and now it’s more than two weeks and there are still some chocolates remaining. So this is a simple solution - just keep the food out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind, out of mouth.
13. Serve from the kitchen: Don’t bring all the food to the dining table. This works very well with having smaller dishes. Every additional serving will mean walking back to the kitchen for more - this will probably discourage the lazy ones amongst us from eating more. Also, like I mentioned above, the “out of sight, out of mouth” concept applies here as well.
14. Maintain a good mood: Researchers have known about a relationship between serotonin (a chemical that regulates anger, aggression, and mood - among other things) and suppression of appetite:
    

    “When serotonin is made and becomes active in your brain, its effect on your appetite is to make you feel full before your stomach is stuffed and stretched,” said Wurtman. “Serotonin is crucial not only to control your appetite and stop you from overeating; it’s essential to keep your moods regulated.” Reference: MIT news.

    A feel of “good-mood” is usually an indication of serotonin being active in your brain - which means you will probably have lesser appetite when you are feeling good. Earlier, I mentioned that bananas can act as mood enhancers by initiating serotonin secretion - which means that eating a couple of bananas a day will not only keep you in good mood, but could also help reduce your appetite a bit.

15. Sleep More: This strategy is not very well appreciated among people trying to decrease appetite and lose weight. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of extra sleep - or rather, sufficient sleep.
    

    Participants with short sleep had reduced leptin and elevated ghrelin. [Note: leptin is a hormone in our body that suppresses appetite, whereas ghrelin is a hormone that stimulates appetite]

    The combination of low leptin and high ghrelin is likely to increase appetite. In other words, short sleep might stimulate appetite, which increases weight.

    
    

How to Attract Guys like magnet easily

1. Be Yourself!

The best thing to know about how to attract men? They like women who are themselves and not women who are not trying to be OTHER women. This means you have to know who you are before you can learn how to attract guys. If the reflection in your mirror is absolute mystery to you, it is high time to find out who you really are. Read some self-help books, go on a vision quest, and take a weekend vacation alone. Do whatever you need to in order to better understand the “you” inside.

2. Be Positive!

Optimism is highly contagious, and people like to be around others who are positive. Therefore, putting a smile on your face is a large part of learning how to attract guys. Even if you’re sick, have a grin. Even if times are tough for you, avoid complaining on a regular basis. Even if the guy you are dating is a dud, treat him nicely (but be straightforward and honest when letting him go.) Common courtesy is definitely IN STYLE.

3. Be Healthy!

You do not have to look like a supermodel before you can attempt to date. In fact, many men prefer women who have natural curves. However, it is in your best interest to take care of your body and mind as a part of learning how to attract guys. Why? It is simple. If you feel good, you’ll act more pleasant and you’ll be more likely to seem approachable to the shy fellow who is not certain if he should ask you out. Even if you are obese, you can be healthy. Avoid fast foods, do not consume too much alcohol, try meditation, quit smoking… each of these elements will assist you become a healthier individual.

4. Be Patient!

Yes, we all want to know how to attract guys right now… and we want our approaches to work right away. But it is necessary to be patient. The best guy for you will not come down the pike just because you are ready. You may have to exercise some major patience. Just know that there is someone out there who will make your world a snazzier place. He just may be running a few minutes late…

5. Be Fashionable!

We are not suggesting that you need to look like someone who stepped out of the advertorial pages of “Vogue” or “Cosmo”, but you do need to dress appropriately if you are serious about learning how to attract guys. Ditch the beehive hairstyle. Allow your eyebrows to grow in naturally - pencil thin ones are out. Rid your wardrobe of anything you have not worn for the pass one or two years. Remember - you are “selling” yourself, so put your most haute coiture shoe forward!

7 Reasons Why She Didn't Write Back

Sure-fire ways to boost the number of email responses in your inbox

How frustrating is it when you reach out to a woman online and she doesn't contact you back?

Here are the most common reasons why you didn't hear from her, and ways to work around them so you can boost the number of email responses in your inbox.

1. She's getting a lot of attention online. A key thing to remember is that women's inboxes tend to get crowded with potential suitors. Make sure that you stand out from the competition by commenting about something specific she said in her profile, such as, "You mentioned you really like movies. What are some of your favorites?" Don't send her the same email you sent to 20 other women. It doesn't make her feel special.

2. You contacted her just because she looks hot. How many times have you skimmed a profile quickly and then contacted her right away because she is cute-looking in her photo? And then she doesn't respond. If you go back and reread her profile in depth, there will be things you missed which give you the clues as to why she didn't contact you. Maybe you missed that she has three dogs and your profile says you don't like pets.

3. You posted the wrong photo.

Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles.

Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles. Don't even think about posting a photo until you show it to a few women (a coworker, sister or friend you trust) and get their reactions. What you think is a fine-looking picture may look like a menacing mug shot to us. Also, a pet peeve for women is a photo where you've got your arm around some other woman who was obviously cut out of the picture. Last, but not least, choose pictures where you can see your face clearly.

4. She may think your email was too forward.

Make sure you are not asking her for a lot of personal information

Make sure you are not asking her for a lot of personal information the first time you contact her. You don't want to make her shy away from you even though you are just trying to get to know her. Avoid asking things like her place of work, specifics about where she lives or details about her children. Also, don't suggest meeting in person in the first email.

5. You focus on past breakups in your profile.

When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes.

When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes. If you are including too much detail about bad past relationships in your profile, you may end up sounding bitter and jaded, which is a turnoff. As you get to know a woman online over time, then you can get into both of your relationship histories. It's not something for your profile.

6. You aren't her type. Even though you think your profile and her profile could walk off into a romantic sunset together, she may feel that you are not her type. I know it's hard to do, but gentlemen, try not to take this personally. The process of online dating is sorting through a variety of profiles to find the ones that are best suited to you. If she doesn't think you will be a good fit, then you probably won't be and she's saving you a lot of time and effort.

7. She doesn't get what a catch you are! You want someone who understands all the things you have to offer and is excited to respond to you. Instead of focusing on all the women who aren't contacting you back, pay attention to the thousands of women with profiles online who are just waiting to hear from you!

5 Ways to Get Into a Man's Head

How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.

Armed with the following five techniques, a man will feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.

1. Let him know you care about what he is saying. A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way.

Let him know that you get what he is saying

Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.

Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes."

2. Be nonjudgmental. No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."

Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly

Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.

3. Don't use the word "why." When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.

When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"

4. Never say, "We need to talk." Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.

The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it.

The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football. (Heare are some other ideas about dealing with a football fan.)

5. Learn how to really listen. Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.

It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you.

Tips for the Heartbroken

It's a familiar story -- the two of you meet, become inseparable and fall in love...but then the tables turn and one of you wants out. At that moment, things get complicated and questions begin to arise: How do I tell this person? What will happen after the breakup? We've compiled some tried-and-true ways to weather the emotional storm:

Tip 1: Behave badly. Don't try to be brave. Don't pretend it's OK. Scream, shout, eat badly. For once, you've got permission. Therapists say the sooner you hit bottom, the sooner you'll feel better.

Survey* says:

• It's OK to be upset at work." Almost half of respondents confided in a co-worker after a breakup, and more than one-third have cried at work because of a breakup.

Tip 2: This person is now out of your life. Period. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT, call your ex. It's like Chutes and Ladders. One call and you're back at the bottom again. We're all weak-willed, particularly when it comes to people who've broken our hearts. You need to get serious about this. You need a contract. Try this:

The "No-Contact" Contract

I hereby pledge that I will not prolong my anguish by attempting to contact my ex or orchestrate any elaborate "accidental" meeting with him or her. My healing has now begun, and I will avoid reopening those wounds like I would avoid a bear trap in the woods. By "contacting my ex," I mean every single form of communication, from IM, to chat boards, to friends passing messages, to sending smoke signals from yonder mountain. I will not call or write, I will not try to reach him/her through the spirit world and I will not think about my ex. OK, I probably will think about my ex... quite a bit, in fact. But I promise that this phenomenon will diminish over time.

Signed: (Your Name Here)

Dated: (Today's Date Here)

Tip 3: Life is short. Make it good for you. Is there something you've always wanted to try but haven't? Then make the time to do it now. Better yet, pick something your ex NEVER wanted to try (or never would let you try). It'll take your mind off things, reintroduce fun into your life and help you break unproductive thought patterns. Run away on a vacation. Join a gym.

Despite all that comfort eating, many people lose weight while grieving.

Despite all that comfort eating, many people lose weight while grieving. Rejoice! Try a little retail therapy.

Survey* says:

• "Immerse yourself in your work" and "go on vacation" were the top selections for what respondents would do just after a breakup (59 percent and 45 percent, respectively).
• Chocolate and ice cream received more than 50 percent of the votes as the kind of comfort foods that would be sought out by respondents as the result of a breakup.

Tip 4: Get back in the saddle. Avoid super-quick rebounds, but don't make excuses for not getting out there and meeting new people. Not every coffee date needs to be "the one." Browsing online through Yahoo! Personals will cheer you up by showing you how many new options there are.

8 First Date Tips for Women

First dates are all about getting to the second date. Here's how to make him fall all over himself for a second date with you

As a love coach, I've heard the following question more times than I can remember:

"What happened? I'm so confused. At first, he seemed to really like me. He made reservations, picked me up, and took me to a fabulous restaurant. But for some reason, over the course of dinner, he became a little cold and distant. By the time he dropped me off, he seemed withdrawn and just sped off into the night. I haven't heard from him since! And I really liked him. I'm so bummed! What do you think happened?"

Does this sound familiar to you? If so, you may have broken some cardinal first-date rules without knowing it. Here are eight tips to ensure that a first date will turn into a second if you'd really like it to:

Tip 1: Don't be negative about dating. Why should a man pursue someone who isn't happy? It's ineffective manhandling to dump your dating disappointments on bachelor No. 3.

Talking to a man about how awful dating is just begs the question, "Are you in therapy?"

Talking to a man about how awful dating is just begs the question, "Are you in therapy?"

Manhandling Tip: Be a romantic challenge, not a mental health challenge.

Tip 2: Don't get tipsy. Always maintain enough sobriety to assess your date's character. Practice restraint, and don't have more than a drink or two when you're out on a first date. Otherwise, how in the world can you possibly observe him and decide if he's remotely right for you?

Manhandling Tip: Always stay sober enough to remember how naughty you were the night before!

Tip 3: Don't talk badly about your exes. I don't care if he cheated on you with your sister, don't recite a laundry list of grievances about your exes. This will only make you sound unavailable at best, or worse, wounded.

Reveal your secrets when you're both on a beach in Hawaii or, better yet, engaged!

Reveal your secrets when you're both on a beach in Hawaii or, better yet, engaged!

Manhandling Tip: We all have baggage. Keep it in the closet on first dates.

Tip 4: Don't spook your suitor. Now is not the time to point out your physical flaws. Only bring these complaints to people who can actually do something about them, and not to men who will now be forced to lie to you if they possess good manners.

Manhandling Tip: Confidence is sexy! Sometimes, thoughts are for the inside.

Tip 5: Don't talk about your personal pet peeves. Although your therapist might get butterflies inside when you talk about how traumatized you are by the staggering number of germs that thrive in public restrooms, the typical male will be horrified. You'll have violated the sacred air space of "romantic quality time" and these little monologues of strange pain will be as off-putting as if you started sorting unwashed laundry in a restaurant.

Manhandling Tip: You already know all about you. Keep your problems to yourself and get to know him.

Tip 6: Don't chase your date. Never deprive a man of the thrill of the chase. Besides, it's so much fun being caught! A woman can always initiate a first tea date, but after that, it's up to a man to decide whether he wants to pursue you. Entice men, play with them, and then release them! Allow men to initiate and take the lead in moving your relationship forward.

Manhandling Tip: When men chase you, they're much less likely to fly away.

Tip 7: Don't keep squawking.

Don't feel pressured to try to fill up every second with meaningless chatter.

Don't feel pressured to try to fill up every second with meaningless chatter. If the conversation falls silent for a moment, don't panic, just let it happen. Natural pauses are sexy, and body language can be so much more powerful than words. Slowly smile at him and breathe. You may be surprised when he blurts out in the middle of a deliciously pregnant pause, "Come here and kiss me!"

Manhandling Tip: Remember, sometimes less conversation really is more.

Tip 8: Learn how to leave. Anyone can be pleasant when they're enjoying themselves, but the true test of character is how one behaves when terribly bored, or worse, treated shabbily. There's nothing to be gained by suffering through a terrible date, so if you're having an awful time, depart quickly and gracefully, without being rude. When you're itching to leave, say: "Thank you so much for meeting me. I think it's time for me to go on home, Jerome. (Smile) Take care." Extend your hand for a quick shake, swiftly turn on your heel and depart.

Romantic Rule: If you're on date number one and aren't having fun, release men back into the wild immediately.

The 10 Best Things About Being Single

Singles often feel left out in our couple-driven society. Whenever you're tempted to feel down because of your singularity, remember these reasons why flying solo can be the best way to go:

1. You can make last-minute plans with your friends and stay out all night if you want.

2. You can lie on both sides of your bed and have all the covers to yourself.

3. You can flirt with the opposite sex without someone saying, "

Who are you looking at?

Who are you looking at?"

4. You can make your own decisions.

5. You don't have to remember your significant other's birthday or anniversary.

6. You have no one to clean up after.

7. You can leave the toilet seat permanently up if you're a man, or permanently down if you're a woman.

8. You can make a list of things you always wanted to do...and actually do them.

9. You can listen to your favorite radio station in the car.

10. You can actually hold on to the remote control.

Creating Tension for a Great First Kiss

Good relationships tend to have some element of surprise and the unexpected in them. The key ingredient? Tension.

While it may seem counterproductive, tension actually helps to create a positive environment. Tension is critical in the early stages of a relationship and can be a healthy stepping-stone in establishing a deeper connection down the road. Create tension for your first kiss and you'll be off to a strong start.

Stormy seas or smooth sailing?

In a new relationship,

most men make the mistake of rushing forward like Speedy Gonzales

most men make the mistake of rushing forward like Speedy Gonzales. Inadvertently they end up killing tension. They forget that all the fun and memories are created when you survive a stormy sea. A relationship without tension is like a boat on a placid lake: ultimately it creates a status quo experience, and nobody wants to be plain old status quo.

Imagine a romantic evening at your place over a bottle of wine. If you are like most men, you simply wait for the wine to take effect to see how far things will go. A better approach is to use the evening as an opportunity to create tension, thus establishing a stronger foundation for your future relationship together.

Here is how to play out the scenario to create tension:

You: Lean over to casually play with her hair while talking to her.

Her: She seems not to mind as you continue to talk.

You: Intentionally stop playing with her hair. Wait a minute and start playing with her hair again.

Her: She reacts to this by smiling while you continue to chat.

You: Stop playing with her hair and look into her eyes.

Her: She puts her hand on your leg and starts caressing it.

You: Start playing more intensely with her hair and slowly move in to give her a soft kiss on each cheek.

Pull back for a moment to create tension

Pull back for a moment to create tension. Then lean in to give her a slow kiss on the lips.

You: Stop kissing her while still playing with her hair. (Note: You are pulling back with the kissing while still moving forward.)

You: Lean in to kiss her again and after a few moments (maybe 30 seconds), you will feel her energy opening up indicated by the pressure of her lips now pressing on yours. The key here is that she is initiating the pressure.

You: Gently pull the pressure off your lips and pull your lips back. This triggers her increasing the pressure.

Be consistently inconsistent

With glasses fogging over, I think you get the idea. The idea is that the constant "push and pull" creates in her the desire of continually wanting more. It amps up the chemistry.

On a deeper level, you are also sending information that you are a patient man who is self-disciplined. Self-disciplined men are more attractive to women because they are more likely to have self-discipline in other areas of life -- a necessary trait for success.

Pulling back and pushing forward also has the benefit of sending mixed signals to her nervous system, keeping it from being able to adjust.

The result leaves the receiver feeling wonderful. Remember, one thing you should do when being physical with a women is to be consistently inconsistent. It's one of the few forms of inconsistency she'll appreciate!

5 Sure-Fire Ways to Spark Her Interest

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

5 Sure-Fire Ways to Spark Her Interest

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman. But through all my years of coaching men and women, I have found that it is not what you say that's important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man's character. They don't care what you say, as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don't know this, so they walk over to a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected. When you approach like a wounded animal, you will be rejected every single time -- no matter how clever a remark you may have.

With 80 percent of human interaction based on nonverbal body language, what is a man to do? The key to impressing her right off the bat is to be different from all the other men who are approaching her that evening.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing, even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

1. Walk with confidence. When you see a woman that you are attracted to, walk right over. Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. Keep eye contact as you approach. Do not hesitate. Most men linger in the background before they approach, then, when you finally do approach, she is quick to turn her back on you. The reason is that you did not exude confidence. Most women notice who is observing them.

When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her, you might as well go home.

When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her, you might as well go home.

2. Lose the male pack. When out on the town,

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males. One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the "male pack" -- you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. When you approach a woman with your buddies waiting on the sideline, she will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. Break away from the male pack and find one other guy to go out on the town with. Save the male bonding for a sports bar.

3. Dress for a strong appearance. Make sure you're not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. If you look like a slob, it will not matter what your body language says, because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women. Buy clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge, so when you walk in with the right body language, women will see you. Keep in mind that shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.
4. Create a spark within her. Most men's conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hopes that she likes you.

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring!

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! You need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into a conversation about summer movies and she says that "Spiderman III" was her favorite Spidey movie so far. Instead of being agreeable,

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong -- the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring, which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.

5. Maintain some tension.

Flirting with women is all about gathering information

Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the better your chances. When you call her, you will have more things to talk about. Before calling a woman, I think about everything she said and then I pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of "Spiderman III," I would text her the next day: "I was thinking U + I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time + place + I'll bring the DVD."

She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her. Plus, you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.

7 Dating Ups and Downs

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It's an emotional rollercoaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator.

Here's my list of the top ups and downs of dating -- and how to feel better about them:

1. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you're going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You'll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don't call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

2. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don't beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.

3. I texted them the next morning and said, "I had a great time last night," and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. They probably had a good time, but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the "it" factor wasn't there. It's not about you. At least you were honest. So you did all you can do.

4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message and now you're replaying it in your head a thousand times. "Should I have said 'Last night was fun' with more enthusiasm? Is that why she's not calling me back?"

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better.

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say, "Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak." That's it -- it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think, "Now they know that I like them, and they don't like me." So what? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray they call? I always believe in being honest. You've got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two-hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself more. This is just one person you went out with for two hours. They don't know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn't the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. You've got to toughen your skin.

Rejection is what dating is all about

Rejection is what dating is all about; you can't take it personally. If I go out with someone and I have a great time but they never want to see me again, I'm still a great person the next day.

Want some tips about dealing with dating rejection? See them here

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don't call you back, this is not the last person in the world you're going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind to realize that if it doesn't work out with one person (or 10 people), there are plenty of other people out there who do want to hang out with a fantastic person like you.

10 Sure-fire Ways to Get a Second Date

So you went out with somebody and thought they were absolutely amazing. She was the hottest, sexiest woman of the moment. So, how do you capitalize on the success of a great first date?

Here are 10 sure-fire ways to get that second date:

1. Ask her out again at the end of the first date. Invite her to do something she told you she finds exciting. For example, if she likes Mexican food, tell her you know the best Mexican restaurant in town and you want to bring her there Tuesday night. Set up that second date so she doesn't have time to think about the first date, and so she has something to look forward to.

2. Text her or call her the very next day. Either text her a simple message that says "Had a great time last night...Looking forward to the next time." Or, call her and leave a message and tell her the same thing over the phone.

3. Don't agree with everything she says. Challenge her mind.

If you agree with everything she says, she'll look at you as being weak.

If you agree with everything she says, she'll look at you as being weak. If she sees you as being weak, she will no longer be attracted to you, and you will no longer get a second look or a second date. I'm not telling you to be confrontational. I'm telling you to be open, honest and real.

4. Don't expect sex or force the issue of sex until it's right for both parties. Take things slow and enjoy getting to know each other. There are no rules about when to have sex for the first time with a new potential partner. You're both adults, and if a woman decides that she doesn't want to have sex with you for a month, respect her! Or, if a woman decides she wants to have sex with you on the first date, respect that decision too! When you do have sex, make sure that the two of you handle it like adults and not like children.

5. Be positive and fun when you're out with her on a date. Don't bash your ex. Don't complain about all the things that are wrong in your life. Spend time getting to know each other's good sides.

6. Listen to your date. Question things that don't sound right. Have a two-sided conversation instead of talking at her. Most men tend to want to impress women with their accomplishments.

Women enjoy getting to know a man based on what's inside.

Women enjoy getting to know a man based on what's inside. So spend time listening and having a conversation instead of bragging about yourself. The less you brag, the more interested she will be!

7. When out with your date, do not check out other women in front of her. Do this, and you'll never get another date with her again.

8. Compliment her once about the way she looks. Don't tell her all night long how beautiful she is, because she will start to think that you've never before been out with a woman as beautiful as her, and you'll start to lose your power.

9. Compliment her mind. Compliment her once about the way she looks.

Bond with her mentally and emotionally and physically

Bond with her mentally and emotionally and physically, and she will bond with you in ways that you've never experienced before!

10. Once you've secured the second date, and the second date is successful, you need to set up an "activity date" for date number three -- take her to the park, go to the beach, or take your dogs for a long walk. Do things that cause her to picture the two of you as a couple. Dates should be creative, not boring. Sitting there and swapping stories over dinner tends to get monotonous after date number one, so start creatively planning different dates.