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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Youth Leadership Development

Leaders Know their Abilities and Short-comings

How does your child find her strong points? By trying things and succeeding. How does you child find her weak points? By trying things and failing. Keeping a child from failure is a sure way to create a follower. Confidence for a child comes because they truly know themselves. Weakness develops when a child is kept from knowing themselves by parents who won't let the child struggle and lose.

Telling a child he is irresponsible, but then never letting the consequences of that irresponsibility touch their lives is doing the child a disservice. Having to use a beat-up, old baseball glove because the new one was left at a park and stolen teaches better than all the lectures in the world. If, however, a new glove shows up, the parents just taught the child irresponsibility doesn't really hurt anyone ,,, and who follows a leader that believes that?

Children need a variety of experiences. Maybe on a soccer field your son stands to the side and just listens, but when it comes to helping younger kids at the library he steps to the front and takes charge. Just like adults, children feel more comfortable in some situations than others ,,, find your child's comfort zone and let them become proficient there. Then spend time in the NON-comfort zone.

Good Leaders are Good Followers

This is where the NON-comfort zone comes in. Want to raise a good leader? Make sure they spend some time in areas where they aren't the leader. Talk with them about what the leader does well and what the leader doesn't do well. Point out to them where the leader made everyone want to follow or where mutiny threatened. Share your experiences with leaders, the good ones and the bad ones. Learning to follow is the first step in learning to lead and in the pack is a great place to learn about the others in the pack. Teach your child to look at the people around him ,,, if he wants to be a leader he has to know people.

People are Important to Leaders

Leaders move people. So your child needs to be around people ,,, a wide variety of people. Sometimes these strangers seem so different from our children and yet a leader sees beyond what the worlds sees and looks at the individual. So give your child the opportunity to be around those of different backgrounds ,,, economic, racial, intellectual, and cultural. It's especially good for your child to befriend handicapped individuals. They help a child see the world from a completely different perspective.

Leaders see more than one situation

Sitting in a wheel-chair, your child's friend teaches about physical limitations. Conversations with a person of limited mental capacity teach that the world isn't viewed only through eyes like mine. Options, new view points open up. Leaders with only one laser-like focus, may get a lot done; but they don't truly lead people--they push them.

Compassion and empathy mark a true leader. Where does a child pick up these qualities? By being in uncomfortable, unpopular positions. How do they get in those positions? Their parents put them there on purpose.

Few children will enthusiastically sign up to serve lunch at the local mission even when the opportunity is offered through their school, scout group, or church. Parents raising leaders make sure their child's name is on the list. However, if your son never sees you doing things for the less fortunate, your words and actions will ring hollow. In other words, you're not being a good leader.

Leaders take responsibility

"Your actions speak so loud I can't hear a word you're saying." An old saying my Mama often used on me. Your child is a leader? Your child is being watched. Preparing your son to be a leader, but not preparing him to be an example is dangerous. Not only can a weaker person be led astray, but your child needs to know he will not get away with what others might. Doesn't seem fair, but it's true. First of all, leaders are more visible. They get caught because they are in the line of sight. Second, people will want to see them fall. Another saying from my Mama, "Some people can only feel big if they bring you down to their size." Sad, but once again, true.

Leaders, even children, take on responsibility for those around them. This is powerful and must be explained to your child. Matter of fact, that power is why being a leader is attractive. Presenting a balanced view of this responsibility takes time. No one wants a child burdened, but to not discuss it could result in an even bigger burden. When a young person has to face that a weaker person followed their example and ended up hurt, it can be devastating. Being a leader is good, but means wielding power. That power requires responsibility.

If Things Fall Apart, a Leader Rises to Take the Blame

Being a leader looks good, sounds good, feels good ,,, until things go bad. A leader then steps to the front, accepts blame, fixes things, then moves on to the future. How do we prepare our children for this?

  1. Show them examples of leaders that take responsibility--and those that don't. I still remember my father using President Richard Nixon as an example to my younger brother. "Son, the President is in trouble because he lied. It's that simple. He lied." Let your children see the impact leaders around them everyday have. Look for examples in the news or even on their baseball team. When a coach looses it and yells at a referee point out later that the behavior is unacceptable. When a coach walks away from a loss looking for ways to play better next time, praise his actions.
  2. Don't stand between them and their consequences. When things go bad there are consequences. Making sure your child knows this robs the consequences of some of their power. A child familiar with the procedure: bad things happen, consequences come, I face them, and then I do better next time- is a child on her way to being a wonderful leader.
  3. Give them resources to fix their problems once they've faced the consequences. Sit down and help your child find a solution. Lay out a schedule for work on the next project so it won't be late. Purchase a bag for her softball equipment so no more gloves are lost. Leaders provide solutions, so you'll need to teach your child how to find solutions. Leaders provide hope, so show your child there is hope for a better outcome next time.
  4. Let them move on. Leaders that drag the past around with them to beat their followers over the head are not popular leaders. Teach your son how to forgive and move on by forgiving his mistakes and looking to the future.

Becoming a leader may sound kind of hard on a child, but it's even harder on the parent. To willingly put your child in situations necessary to form leadership qualities takes guts, but leaders are needed. So, the world is offering daily opportunities for risk, failure, success,,, is your child up to the challenge? Better yet ,,, are you?

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