Womens guide to dating

For Women Only: Redefining the Rules of Dating

Ladies, we've all heard those lines passed down from generation to generation about how to get a man and keep him.

I bet you think those rules have served you pretty well up until now. Well, forget everything you thought you knew about dating. The times have changed ladies, and that means we have to change too.

In this case, change is good. I mean really, if the old rules were working, we would be married by now, am I right!?!? Take a look at The Woman's Guide to Dating and see how easy it is to change your dating style. And hey, if you don't like the new rules, you can always go back to the old ones. (NOT!)

Old Rule: The man always pays for the date.
New Rule: It's OK for women to pay sometimes.
The days of men taking care of all the dating bills are slowly fading away. Granted, this could be a little sad for some of us -- it's nice to be able to enjoy a great evening and not have to shell out a dime for it. But we are new millennium daters! We can handle this.

There are some benefits to paying for the date: You choose the place, based on what you like and how much you want to spend. Without all the flash of his cash, you can concentrate on who the guy really is, not what he's giving you. And, there's no way he would expect you to pay AND put out! You can't lose!

Old Rule: The man always asks the woman out.
New Rule: Take control of your dating life.
If we've got to pay for dates sometimes, we might as well start initiating them. Sure, the threat of rejection is a tough hurdle to overcome, but we have got to stop leaving our romantic future completely in the hands of men, chance or serendipity. (Honestly, why did we ever do that anyway? No wonder so many of us are still single!)

Think about it; if you're picking and choosing men, you'll have a much better chance of meeting someone who really piques your interest. Try it, you might like it!

Old Rule: Don't call the day after a date; it's too soon.
New Rule: If you want to talk, call.
In the new dating world, it's never too soon to let someone know you're interested or excited about them. If you had a good time on a date, what good reason would you honestly have for not letting the guy know it?

Let's get this straight; the amount of time between date and the follow-up phone call have absolutely nothing to do with whether you go out on a second date or not. Call him, and keep the conversation light. Say something simple like, "Hey, I had a great time last night, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again." If the guy thinks less of you because of that, then he's a wimp. Better to know sooner rather than later.

Old Rule: Give out your cell number instead of your home number.
New Rule: Give out your e-mail address.
Gone are the days that we make ourselves accessible via cell phones to any and everybody who may be interested in us. Why use up those expensive minutes on somebody who may not be worth talking to?

E-mail gives you lots of options; you read when you're available, respond when you're ready, and at least this way, you know you're dating a man who can at least put a couple of sentences together. Besides, who doesn't want to forward those sweet e-mails from a new beau to friends and co-workers?

Old Rule: No sex on the first date.
New Rule: Sex whenever you're ready.
Some of you are no doubt cringing at the idea that sex on the first date could possibly be OK. Consider this: the electronic dating age brings people together via IM, e-mail and lengthy phone calls before they ever meet face-to-face. By the time they go out for the first time, they've already swapped bad date stories, sexual histories and HIV test results.

So don't worry that he won't respect you in the morning. Plenty of women have let their emotions run wild and ended up marrying the guy, for better or for worse. So, if the mood hits you ...

Old Rule: If you don't see stars after the first kiss, he's not the one.
New Rule: Real love doesn't play out like a movie script.
Stars, fireworks, chills, butterflies -- isn't it all so romantic? Of course it is; it's the stuff that makes good love stories great. But it doesn't always happen like that in real life.

What’s the next best thing? Relationships that build over time, generating feelings of trust, friendship, respect, which trump fireworks and butterflies any day. Don't get caught up waiting to see stars before you dive in -- you might miss the wedding bells.

Old Rule: Online dating is for losers.
New Rule: New millennium, new ways to date. Get with it.
OK, putting a letter in the mailbox used to be the only way to send mail, but I don't see you saying e-mail is for losers! Online dating is an option, just like e-mail, text messaging or IM to communicate. And we can still use the old blue box on the corner anytime we feel like it.

The point is, technology has made it easier for us do things; dating is one of them. Love@AOL is just the meeting place; you still have to do all the old-fashioned legwork it takes to build a solid relationship. Really, even if you had the time, would you go to a club or bar every night to pick up dates? Talk about being a loser!

Old Rule: I have to be a "creature unlike any other" to get a boyfriend.
New Rule: Just be yourself.
Remember this the next time you are about to go on a date: the woman you are, right now, is just fine. In fact, you are absolutely perfect, so why try to be anybody different?

Pretending to be somebody that you're not won't work for long. At some point, the real you will show up, good or bad. So, if you're not a morning person or you never make up your bed, better to let those sides show. Besides, if you're busy pretending to be somebody you're not, you might not notice that the guy you're dating really isn't the one for you.