Eight ways to raise your self-esteem and boost your dating power

A guy says to his girlfriend, "You look nice today." However, to his disappointment she replies, "I don't look so good, don't you think that I'm fat and ugly?"

On the surface, you might think this woman's response is a sign of modesty, but most experts would agree that it is more likely a sign of destructive low self-esteem.

Eight thinking patterns

Self-esteem reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. The simplest way to raise a person's self-esteem is to improve that person's way of thinking. This isn't necessarily easy, but improved self-esteem can result by adopting these eight new thinking patterns:

1. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths: Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. For areas you don't feel real positive about, try to be more accepting of those unique features (example: having a nose of character).
2. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses: There is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you're also persistent and dependable.
3. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs: Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. (Example: speaking up at a meeting)
4. Avoid negative comparisons: Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But the most common trait of a person who has developed low self-esteem is to diminish themselves by contrasting how they don't measure up to others.
5. Stop the critic inside of you: Some people have a nasty habit of putting themselves down often. They say damaging things to themselves like, "I'm always late. Why am I such a flake?" or "There I go again, stupid!" Get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic.
6. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past: Some things are only minimally in your control, but people who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well.
7. Have more compassion for yourself: Realize the adversity of life can make you a stronger and more understanding person. The pain that you have suffered in the past can help you relate to a wider array of people. Your suffering makes you more human if you choose to channel it that way.
8. Be your own cheerleader: The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Use this analogy to illustrate how you talk to yourself, handle adversity, and summon up the courage to pursue your interests. Being your own cheerleader isn't silly, it's smart and contagious.

The Bottom Line: High self-esteem is attractive and low self-esteem is not. If you want to attract, get, keep, and enjoy love, it's important to maintain a high level of self-esteem to keep your man interested, but more importantly for your own well-being.